Fly Away Home
By Sioux

Impatiently Gil tapped his thigh as he listened to
the telephone at the other end ring out.  He’d lost
count of the number of times he had dialled Craig’s
number and it hadn’t been answered.  There was a
genuine reason for contacting Sergeant Gilmore as he
still needed to drop off the photograph of his
missing diamond collar.  His ulterior motive was
simply he wanted to see him again.  Coming to a
decision he put a jacket on and left the house.  He
drove quite steadily through the increasing traffic
to Sun Hill police station, eventually finding a
place to park and went in.
“Hello sir, can I help you?” Robbie asked the
extremely good-looking young man standing at the
front desk.
“Yes, you can.  I’d like to see Sergeant Gilmore
please,” he said in his attractive, husky voice.
Gil noticed some of the life went out of the pleasant
bouncy face immediately.
“I’m sorry sir, but Sergeant Gilmore isn’t available.
Can anyone else help?”
Gil thought hard for a moment then asked,
“Is Luke Ashton available?”
“I’ll find out for you.  May I take your name and
what it’s in connection with?”
“Gil Ansell and it’s in connection with a mugging.
Sergeant Gilmore asked me to drop off a photograph.”
“Take a seat please.”
She smiled then dialled a number.
Gil sat on the metal bench at the back and waited.
Within a couple of minutes Luke came out.  Gil stood
up and smiled at the young PC, who immediately
blushed and dropped his eyes before returning the
smile.
“Hi Gil, what can I do for you?”
“Craig asked me to drop off this photograph next time
I was passing.  Can I leave a message for him as
well?”
Mechanically Luke took the photograph off him and
stared.
“You don’t know do you?”
“Don’t know what?” Gil asked, as cold, sinking
feeling came over him.
“Craig’s still in St Hughes.  He got beaten up
defending a prisoner….Gil!”
Gil left the building at a dead run, nearly
barrelling into two other officers just entering.
Luke ran after him.
“Gil, Gil wait!”  Luke shouted.
Gil didn’t even slow down.  He leapt into his car and
took off at a dangerous speed, not even checking
behind for traffic.  Luckily the other driver had
good reactions and slammed his foot on the brakes and
his hand on the horn.  Regardless of the consequences
Gil drove to St Hughes in a daze.  He abandoned the
Porsche in the car park and hared into reception.
“I’m looking for Gilmore, Sergeant Craig Gilmore,” he
said breathlessly to the woman behind the desk.
“Gilmore, Gilmore.  Oh, I’m sorry, he’s gone.”
Gil could feel the blood draining from his face. Luke
hadn’t told him Craig had been that badly injured.
“He discharged himself a couple of hours ago,” the
woman continued, oblivious of the effect of her first
sentence.
“What?”
“He’s discharged himself,” she repeated slowly,
thinking it was a pity someone so gorgeous was so
slow on the uptake.  “He’s probably gone home,” she
added helpfully.
Gil left the reception area and ran back to his car.
Savagely he pulled the wheel around, making the tyres
scream in protest at the speed of the manoeuvre and
left the car park.  It took him nearly an hour to get
to Craig’s house due to the volume of traffic.  He
slid into a space around the corner from the house
and quickly made his way to the front door then leant
on the bell.
Craig snatched the door open ready to give whoever it
was leaning on his bell a piece of his mind.
Gil and Craig stared at each other.  Craig’s face was
a glorious mix of purples, blues, pinks, dirty
yellows, green and grey.
"You look like an explosion in a paint factory!" Gil
finally said.
Craig glared at him for a second, began to laugh then
winced when his ribs pulled.
"Oww, don't make me laugh, it hurts."
Gil stepped inside the house, without waiting for an
invitation.  He heeled the door shut and gently held
Craig’s face in his hands.
"I've been telephoning for days.  How long were you
in hospital?"
"Just over a week.  How did you find out where I
was?"
"When you weren't answering the 'phone I went to Sun
hill to drop the photo off, asked for you but you
weren't available.  So I asked for Luke.  He told me
you'd been beaten up and you were in hospital."
Craig nodded.
"Do you mind if we sit down?"
"Of course not!  I shouldn't be keeping you standing
here, you've just got out of hospital."
“I’m OK.  It looks worse than it is,” Craig insisted,
not fooling Gil for a second.
“Course you are,” he agreed holding on to the bigger
man’s arm as he shuffled slowly into the lounge.
Craig was grateful for the support and he was also
quite surprised at how strong Gil was given the fact
he looked so slender.
“Shall I make a coffee?” Gil asked.
“No milk.  The last pint was solid in the fridge.”
“Black coffee it is then,” he replied cheerfully.
Whilst he was in the kitchen he saw the rest of the
out of date food.  Bread, decorated with pretty
greeny blue spots of mould, a piece of cheese which
sported the same colour scheme, eggs which were four
days past their use by date, bacon which smelt
decidedly iffy and a piece of red meat which was
rather too dark to look palatable.  The vegetable
rack held a couple of wrinkled potatoes, three
carrots that needed to be pensioned off and a small,
paper dry, bulb of garlic.  Gil could sense a
shopping trip coming up.
He made the coffee and brought it through to Craig,
then curled up in a corner of the sofa with his hands
around his mug.
“So what happened?  Luke said you’d been beaten up
defending a prisoner.”
“That’s right.”
Haltingly Craig told him.  Gil wrinkled his nose when
he heard the man Craig had been injured protecting
was a suspected paedophile.
“I don’t know how you do it, protect scum like that.”
“I do it because it’s part of my job.”
“Even knowing what some of them have done to
children?”
“I uphold the law.  It is what I am paid to do but
sometimes, yes, I could quite happily strangle some
of them.”
“And you’re the one who gets injured upholding the
law,” Gil said, gently touching the stitches on the
side of Craig’s face.
“That’s not going to improve my looks in the next
nick!” Craig said, trying to be flippant about the
scar the cut would produce.
“I don’t know, probably make you look rather
dashing,” Gil replied in kind, then the possible
meaning sank in.  “What do you mean, next nick?”
”I’m leaving Sun Hill.  I’m going to put in for a
transfer.”
“Why?  Young Luke is going to be devastated.”
“Young Luke is the reason I’m going,” Craig replied,
a little bitterly.  He leaned back against the sofa,
trying to get comfortable.
Gil raised his eyebrows and waited.  He already knew
Luke was very attracted to Craig, he’d seen it in his
face the few times he’d met him.
Craig told Gil about his involvement with Luke from
the first moment he’d seen him in the showers to
being forced to lie to Kerry by both Luke and Gina.
He rested his head on the back of the sofa and spoke
mainly to the ceiling, not looking at Gil at all.
Gil took his hand when Craig fell silent.
“I’m sorry Craig.  I really am.”
Craig nodded but didn’t reply.  Gil moved closer and
softly kissed his lips then looked into his face.  He
looked exhausted.
“Why don’t you have a nap and I’ll come back in a
couple of hours?  I can pick up some milk on the way
back.  OK?”
A ghost of a smile flitted across Craig’s face.
“OK,” he murmured gratefully.
Gil settled him down then went upstairs.  After a
little rummaging in the airing cupboard he found a
folded blanket and took it downstairs to cover Craig.
Craig was nearly asleep, deep shadows under his eyes
blending in with the general bruising.  Looking down
on the bone weary man Gil started to realise he was
making a very serious error of judgement.  Given the
nature of his business, falling in love, whether it
was with a client or someone else, was not the most
sensible course of action.  Falling for someone as
broken-hearted as Craig Gilmore was positively
foolish.  He tore his gaze away.  Telling the stone
cold, totally logical part of his mind to take a
hike, he left the house.

Somewhere far away Craig could hear a bell ringing.
It went on and on for a long time.  Deep within his
mind he knew he should do something about that noise.
He awoke suddenly.  It was the blasted door bell
again.  He sat up a little too quickly and pulled his
healing ribs.  Repressing a hiss of pain he threw the
blanket back and carefully stood up.  The room was
almost in darkness so he knew he must have been
sleeping for more than a couple of hours.  It was
probably Gil returning with the promised milk.  He
opened the door, a welcoming smile on his face.  The
expression was stillborn when he saw Luke, dressed in
civvies, standing nervously on his door step.
“Hello.”
“Hello,” Craig repeated.
“How are you?”
“I’ve been better.”
An awkward silence ensued.  Craig was waiting for
Luke to come to the point and Luke was waiting for an
invitation inside.  Eventually Craig held the door
open a little wider.  Luke took that as invitation
enough and slunk passed Craig.  Craig shut the door
quietly and led the way to the lounge.  He put a
couple of lamps on and folded up the blanket.
“I rang St Hughes.  They said you’d discharged
yourself against medical advice.”
Craig shrugged carefully and sat down on the extreme
edge of the sofa.  He was disconcerted when Luke sat
next to him.
“Gina’s going mad.  Why did you book yourself out?”
“I can look at a ceiling just as well in my own bed.”
Another long silence.  Then Craig asked,
“How’s Kerry?”
“She’s fine.  She’s well.”
“Gina obviously isn’t.”
“No.  I think they could hear her at St Hughes,
without the telephone, when she found out you’d
gone.”
Craig gave a quick smile.
“Are you,” Luke coughed and began again.  “Are you
really going to leave Sun Hill?”
“What else can I do?  As soon as I can I’m going to
send my request to Gina.”
“Please don’t go because of me,” Luke sniffed.
“Have you told Kerry you’re here?”
Luke shook his head.
“So you haven’t told her what happened between us?”
“No,” Luke replied very quietly.  “I can’t tell her.
She’s carrying my baby.  What would that do to her?”
Craig shook his head.
“I’ve got to go Luke.  I can’t take any more of this!
I can’t think when you’re around, I don’t act like a
responsible copper when you’re around.  You take up
far too much room in here,” Craig pointed to his
head.
“I’m sorry Craig.  I’m really sorry.”
Tears thickened his voice and were running freely
down his face.  Very gently he picked up Craig’s hand
and said,
“I really don’t want you to leave.  I’m going to miss
you so much.”
Craig gave a mirthless laugh and firmly extracted his
hand from Luke’s grasp.
“You don’t want me to leave but you won’t tell your
wife how you feel about me.  You say you’re going to
miss me but you still want me to be there and see you
and your pregnant wife every day and feel nothing and
do nothing?  I am human Luke!  I can’t do that
anymore.  You have no idea how much you’re hurting
me,” Craig finished, a stray tear rolling down his
own face.
Luke had his hand over his mouth, trying to hold back
the sobs.
“On top of all that you and Gina forced me into lying
to Kerry.  I just cannot do it anymore!”
“I’m sorry!”
“Sorry isn’t enough.  I just hope Kerry forgives you
when this all blows up in your face.”
“Don’t say that!”
“I think you’d better leave, Luke.  I haven’t got the
energy for this.”
Craig closed his eyes and turned his body away from
Luke.  Luke got up and stumbled blindly towards the
front door.  He opened the door sharply to find Gil
standing on the step, his hand raised about to knock.
“Hello Luke,” he said civilly, taking in the
miserable expression.
Luke scrubbed at his face with his hand, trying,
unsuccessfully, to wipe away the tears.
“Craig’s not well.  He isn’t up to having visitors,”
he stated firmly to Gil.
“Yeah, I know, I’ve been shopping for him.  Didn’t
any of you think to make sure he at least had a pint
of milk and loaf in the place?  Give me hand with
this lot will you?”  Gil said, handing three carrier
bags to him from the sea of them around his feet.
After a moments hesitation Luke picked up the bags
and took them through to the kitchen, Gil following
with more bags.  Between them they made short work of
ferrying the goods inside.  Luke glared at Gil as he
brought the last bag in.  Despite having a sneaking
admiration of the man, Luke was still unbearably
jealous of him.  He put the bag with the others on
the kitchen table then left as quickly as he could,
not even saying goodbye to Craig.  Gil went in the
lounge to see Craig.  Craig’s eyes were suspiciously
bright but he wasn’t crying any more.
“Want another coffee, this time with milk?”
Craig nodded.
Gil hunted through the bags and found a box of
tissues.  He left the box with Craig then returned to
putting away the shopping.  After they had drank
their coffee in silence Gil asked,
“Do you want something to eat?”
“Not really hungry,” Craig replied.
“You need to keep your strength up.  How about a
piece of toast with a little pate?”
“OK,” he agreed without much enthusiasm.
Gil retired, once again, to the kitchen.  A few
minutes later he returned with a plateful of small
toast triangles without crusts, which he put on the
coffee table, then he came back in with a tray.
“Sit up a bit,” Gil suggested.
Craig did as he was asked then Gil laid the tray
across his knees.  For a few seconds Craig looked
down at the plate, absolutely no expression on his
face.  Then his lips twitched and he started to
laugh.  The pate had been arranged on the plate into
a crazy looking face with madly staring eyes and
salad vegetables scattered around for hair and other
features.  He was laughing, almost crying, and
holding his ribs at the same time.
“You mad idiot,” he finally gasped out.
The remaining tension from Luke’s visit now broken
they sat together companionably and shared the light
meal, watching television until Gil announced he had
to go.
“Can I come back and see you again?” Gil asked
hesitantly.  He wasn’t sure if Craig wanted time to
recover from seeing Luke, or if he wanted a lot more
time to try and get over his emotional evisceration
at the hands of Luke Ashton.
“I’d be pleased to see you,” Craig replied softly.
“I need to pay you back for you all the shopping!”
Gil smiled and kissed him goodbye then left, with the
minimum of fuss.


Craig knew he wouldn’t be left in peace for long once
Gina knew he had signed himself out of the hospital’s
care.  And he was proved right.  Lunch-time saw
Inspector Gold standing on his door step with a
couple of bottle shaped presents under her arm and an
expression on her face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
“Morning.”
“Morning Ma’am.  Please come in,” Craig said
formally, standing aside to let her though.
“Forget the Ma’am.  We’re not at work.”
He inclined his head as he shut the door.
“What kind of painkillers are you on?” she asked,
sitting down on the sofa, and plonking both bottles
and a big brown envelope on the coffee table.
“Co-codamol.”
“When did you have your last dose?”
“About four hours ago, why?”
“Get a couple of glasses and we can make a start on
these then,” she replied indicating the bottles.
He collected two glasses and a saucer from the
kitchen and brought them through.  Gina had taken her
coat off and made herself at home, lighting up
without asking.  The presents were two very nice and
expensive bottles of whisky.
“The relief had a collection for you.  The remainder
is in the envelope.”
He put the saucer down near her, opened one of the
bottles and poured two generous measures.
“Cheers!” she said, tipping her glass to his and
taking a healthy swallow.
Craig took a smaller sip before saying,
“I still want to transfer, Gina.  I’m not going to
change my mind about that.”
“Oh Craig!”
“Sorry.  I’d be a liability if I stay at Sun Hill.
I’m a good copper and I want to stay a good copper.”
Gina sighed deeply.  She knew it was no use arguing
with him and she knew he was right.
“Believe me when I say I wish this could have worked
out differently.”
“So do I,” Craig replied, his vision blurring with
unshed tears.  He held out his glass for a refill.
“You’d better keep in touch with me Craig Gilmore, or
else,” Gina threatened as she poured them both
refills.
“I wouldn’t dare do anything else!”
“Anyone from the relief been to see you?”
“Not here.  Most of them don’t know where I live.
Well, apart from Luke that is.”
“Oh, right!  Luke Ashton must have been nosying
through addresses because he was bored then.  I’ll
have to find him some more work to do,” she said
casually.
He forbore to mention Luke already knew where he
lived due to the domestic with Sean.
“What did he want?”  Gina asked.
“More or less the same thing as you.  Please don’t
leave Sun Hill.”
Gina shook her head.
“I wish he’d grow up,” she muttered to herself.  “One
child, making another.  You are absolutely sure you
won’t change your mind?”
“Positive,” Craig affirmed.
“Okay dokey.  When I get back to the nick I’ll make
out the necessary and post them on to you.  You
alright for food and such like, anything I can do?”
she asked, once again becoming the practical friend.
“No thanks, Gil went shopping for me yesterday.”
“Gil?  Gil Ansell?”
He nodded then noticed she was smiling, a slightly
dreamy expression on her face.  Unexpected to say the
least.  “Tell me, was Gil here when Luke came round?”
“Luke was just leaving when Gil came back.  Why?”
“Oh, nothing,” she said, storing the information
away.
Gina had caught Luke checking Gil Ansell’s name on
the police database that very morning.  He didn’t
have any form.  She already knew that though, from
having checked him out the day of Matt Boyden’s
complete humiliation.  She too had seen the way Gil
was looking at Craig Gilmore and also the dagger
looks Luke was sending Gil’s way. Gina left after an
hour, letting Craig get some much needed rest.  The
alcohol helped him to get a couple of hours sleep in
the afternoon, making up a little for his insomnia
during the night.

Towards evening on the next day Gil returned.  Craig
suddenly felt a little better when the other man was
there, even if he was fussing and pottering around
the kitchen preparing food.  Craig hadn’t bothered to
eat much when he was on his own so he was surprised
at how much better he felt after eating the meal Gil
prepared for them.  Gil made him laugh and he did
enjoy his company.  But once again, he found himself
falling asleep.
“I think you’d better go to bed,” Gil said, smiling
at Craig’s attempts to keep his eyes open.
“No, no it’s alright.  I want to stay and talk,”
Craig tried to say around a huge yawn.
“We can do that tomorrow.  You’re still healing, your
body needs rest.”
“You’re not working tonight?”
Gil shook his head.
“You can sleep here, if you want,” Craig offered.
“Is that a proposition?” Gil enquired, silkily.
“Er, only if you’re into necrophilia!”
“Think I’ll pass on that one, thanks.”
“I’ll put some sheets on the spare bed,” Craig said.
“Don’t bother,” Gil replied.  “I’ll do it myself when
I go to bed.”
“OK,” Craig yawned.  He was nearly asleep on his
feet.

Waking up was the most pleasant experience Craig had
had for quite a while.  The scent of clean hair
prickled his nose and his arms were full of a lithe,
warm body.  Sighing in contentment Craig cuddled in
closer.  For a few seconds he was back to the morning
after the one and only time he had made love with
Gil.  Then he remembered what had happened since and
tried to unobtrusively move away again, but in his
sleep Gil sensed the movement and pulled Craig
closer.  Just occasionally Craig did know when not to
argue.

As the weeks wore on, and spring’s warm breath
replaced winters chill, Craig got stronger and
stronger.  He was taking more exercise, under Gil’s
watchful eye, eating better and generally getting a
lot fitter.  His broken bones were kitting together
well and the scar on his face faded down to a pink
line, which would eventually fade even further.  On
the several nights a week that Gil stayed over at his
house, Craig also took full advantage of the willing
body in his bed.  At first Craig had been very
reticent to resume any physical relationship with Gil
until the younger man had made it perfectly clear he
was more than happy to sleep with Craig in every
sense of the phrase.  Craig had everything going for
him; a good-looking, charming, witty companion during
the day-time, moreover one who could transform into a
breathtakingly passionate and sexual being in
seconds.   It would have been idyllic apart from the
dull ache in his heart.

There were some aching tissue in Gil’s chest, on
occasions, as well.  Every now and then Luke would
ring up to speak to Craig.  After each conversation
Craig would ignore Gil and mooch around the house for
hours, the morose expression on his face not inviting
communication of any sort.  Then he would pull
himself out of the Slough of Despond and want Gil
with a desperation which was almost frightening in
its intensity.  Gil wasn’t sure which he preferred,
his usual tender, gentle lover or the passionate
madman who sometimes stole his body.  Neither was he
too sure who Craig thought he was with in those
strange, wild times.  Was he simply a body, a phantom
Luke, for Craig to spend his frustrations on?
Usually Craig was caring and sensitive and always
tried to make sure of his partner’s pleasure too,
then afterwards he generally liked to hold Gil close
and sometimes talk, but always there was the
closeness.  When the other, feral lover, emerged, it
felt more like a fight.  Craig would use Gil’s body
for his own pleasure, Gil’s gratification seeming to
be a coincidental by-product of their activities.
They would spend themselves utterly then sleep where
ever and whenever exhaustion took over.

The night Craig heard Luke’s child had been delivered
seemed to mark the end of these mood swings.  Craig
was opening his post after coming back from a run,
Gil had arrived a few minutes after he had opened a
card which contained a short letter in Luke’s
handwriting and a photograph of Luke holding a tiny
baby, his son.
Gil had been standing at the bottom of the stairs
when he noticed the unnatural silence in the hall.
Craig was staring fixedly at him, the fires of lust
burning brightly in his eyes.  Gil decided to play a
dangerous game and fan the flames a little.
Maintaining the unnerving eye contact, he shrugged
his leather jacket off, let it slide down his body
and left it in a heap on the floor, then,
deliberately turning his back on Craig he began to
walk, slowly, up the stairs, taking his sweater off
and leaving that draped along the stairs too.  For a
big man, Craig could move quickly and lightly when he
wanted to.  Seconds later Gil found himself pushed
against the wall at the top of the stairs, being
kissed within an inch of his life while quick, clever
hands were divesting him of the rest of his clothing.
The whole night was as wild and exciting as anyone
could wish for.  The next day they both ached all
over, but Gil definitely thought it was a small price
to pay for a night like that.

For whatever reason Craig seemed to be so much
happier after that point.  He was exercising more,
usually attending a gym or going running with Gil.
His was feeling stronger and so much better in
himself.  His transfer request had been approved and
was only awaiting his next physical check-up to be
actioned.  Halcyon days of getting fitter, taking
long walks alongside the river or through the parks,
days becoming warmer and sometimes eating in out of
the way trattoria, tapas bars or tiny pavement cafes
and occasionally going to matinees at the theatre or
the cinema.  Craig never mentioned the times when Gil
was working all night and sometimes in the afternoons
and evenings as well.  He accepted that as part of
the price of being able to spend time with someone
like Gil.  If a bout of jealousy of the businessman
who paid for Gil’s services ever impinged on Craig’s
thoughts he kept it to himself.

One afternoon, about three months after Luke’s son
had been born, Gil mentioned a play which Craig had
been wanting to see.
“I rang up and provisionally booked a couple of
tickets for tonight.  We could go to that nice little
Indian place around the corner for a meal first.”
There was a pause before Craig said apologetically,
“I’m sorry Gil.  I’m going out tonight.  I’m seeing
someone.”
“Oh!  OK then.  Another time maybe,” he said smiling,
hiding the sudden pain burning through his chest.
“Anyone I know?” he asked brightly.
“Sort of.  Luke.”
“Luke?”
"Luke Ashton."
Whilst Gina Gold had been a pretty regular visitor
during Craig’s protracted convalescence, Luke’s only
contact had been via the telephone.
“He asked me to meet him for dinner.”
Gil pasted a smile on his face and nodded.
“Enjoy yourself, I’m sure you will.”
“You going to be here later or are you going home?”
“I’ll probably go home.  Some bits and pieces I need
to do there.  You’ll need to get ready and I should
make a start on boring paperwork so see you later.”
He kissed Craig and then collected his overnight bag
all the time acting as if everything was completely
normal.

Driving was difficult when he was trying to see
clearly through blurring eyes but he made it home
safely, then indulged in an hour long fit of weeping.
That was the worst thing, about his business.  He
couldn’t object.  He made his living wining, dining
and entertaining some very high-powered businessmen.
The difference between Luke, himself and the men who
paid a great deal of money for his company was like
the difference between love and lust.  By and large,
the business men paying for his wit, charm and
erudition on most subjects were very likeable in
themselves and Gil did like a great many of them,
even felt a degree of affection for one or two of
them.  But he knew Craig had been, and probably still
was, deeply in love with Luke, and he still wasn’t
sure what Craig really felt for him.  Craig may just
want him for his body and ability to make him laugh
or perhaps he did feel some affection for him.  If
all he felt was lust and then love came along, in the
guise of the callow Luke, Gil knew he wouldn’t stand
a chance.  Craig was an honourable, loyal man.  If
Luke made a decision and snapped his fingers in
Craig’s favour he would go running to him but make
his farewell to Gil first.  Gil had known, all those
months before, falling for Craig was a bad idea, but
he’d done it anyway.  He’d had taste of what it was
like to share Craig’s life and his bed and he counted
himself lucky to have had that for the last eight
months.  He may not ever be happy without Craig but
he knew he would survive, he always did.  So, when
Craig chose the time to tell him it was over and he
was finally getting it together with Luke, he would
be prepared.  He’d make sure he looked his best, had
his most sultry smile pinned to his lips and would
wish him, with every fibre of his being, all the
best.  Even if his heart were breaking inside he
would never let Craig know how much he was hurting.
He loved him enough to let him go to the one who made
him happy, even if it wasn’t himself.  But woe betide
Luke if this was some new way of playing with Craig’s
emotions.  He would not stand idly by and see the man
he adored being hurt by that thoughtless selfish,
boy.
All afternoon and evening Gil wandered his spacious
flat.  He couldn’t settle to anything, not even
speaking to his favourite clients.  He opened a
bottle of bone dry, white champagne, drank that then
opened another.  Finally he wandered in his bedroom,
the one room he had been consciously avoiding.  He
and Craig had generally spent more time at Craig’s
house rather than this flat but on the rare times
Craig had stayed over, inevitably, items of clothing
had been left behind.  So far in his ‘Gilmore’
collection he had one jacket, the one Craig had let
him use when he’d been mugged, three sweaters, four
shirts and a pair of jeans.  Gil surveyed the items
hanging up in his wardrobe, like so many orphaned
children awaiting the return of their father.  He ran
his fingertips along the different fabrics, then
finally reached out and buried his face in the wool
of one of the sweaters.  It smelt of a mixture of
Craig’s aftershave and his own personal scent.  Gil
breathed deeply of the blended aromas.  Carefully he
took the sweater off the hanger and took it across to
his bed where he lay down with it.  He rubbed his
face against the wool, wrapping his arms around it,
imagining he was holding onto its owner.  Eventually
the wine he had drank on an empty stomach and the
expected heartache combined to make him sleep
heavily.

The sound of the entry phone buzzing woke Gil many
hours later.  He looked at his bedside clock.  Two
fifteen in the morning was not the time to be
delivering bad news.  Slightly irritated at Craig’s
thoughtlessness in that, he got up, his head still
spinning from the large amount of wine earlier, and
straightened himself up.  He answered the phone
whilst quickly brushing his hair.
“Hello?”
“Gil, it’s me.  Can I come in or are you busy?”
“Hi me. No, I’m not busy, come on up.”
He pressed the entry button to release the outside
door.  Whilst Craig was walking up the four flights
of steps, Gil rinsed his mouth out with mouthwash and
was waiting calmly for him when he got to the door of
the flat.
“It’s bit late for visiting, isn’t it?”
Craig looked abashed when he checked his watch and
realised what time it was.
“I’m sorry! Do you want me to go?”
“Come in,” he replied smiling and reaching out for
his hand.
“It was such a nice night I thought I’d clear my head
and walk here.”
“Where did you walk from?”
“Silks and Spices on Curzon Street.”
“That must be about seven miles away!” Gil said from
the kitchen.  He brought two opened bottles of beer
back and handed one to Craig.  Craig thanked him and
took several huge gulps of the cool liquid.
Gil sat in a comfortable chair opposite Craig and
fixed him with his blue eyes.
“Did you have a nice evening?”
Craig looked down at the carpet.
Here it comes, Gil thought to himself.  Brave face.
“I’d like to say yes, but no, I didn’t.”
“Oh?”
Not the answer he was expecting.
“I don’t know why I didn’t see it before but Luke is
such a child!  He spent the whole evening bemoaning
his lot.  Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
The baby keeps him awake all hours of the day and
night.  Kerry’s always tired and never has time for
him anymore.  What the hell did he expect?”
Gil was compressing his lips to stop himself from
laughing out loud.  The clatter of scales falling
from eyes sounded very loud this early in the
morning.
“He even had the bloody cheek to ask me if I was
still in love with him!”
Gil took a mouthful of beer before he asked,
“And are you?”
Craig paused before answering.
“I thought I was, but no, I’m not.  All the time I
was with him I kept thinking about all the times
we’ve been out to dinner together and how much I
enjoyed it, how much I like your company.  How much I
missed you tonight.”
Gil stared at Craig for a long moment then fled to
the kitchen, his eyes filling with tears.  He was
expecting to get dumped tonight not be told how much
Craig liked his company.
“Gil!  Gil what’s the matter?  Are you alright?”
Craig shouted running after him into the kitchen.
“I’m fine,” he sniffed, facing the refrigerator, his
back to Craig.
“No you’re not, what is it?  What’s happened?”
Craig reached out and gently turned Gil to face him
then enfolded him in a strong embrace.
“Tell me, please?” Craig begged.
Gil gave a half laugh and gulped before he said,
“I thought you were coming here to tell me goodbye.”
Craig’s arms tightened around Gil.
“Why?”
“I’ve seen the way Luke Ashton looks at you.  He
adores you.  You fascinate him.  And you were so much
in love with him, all he has to do is to snap his
fingers and you’ll go running to him.”
“You thought that’s what was going to happen tonight?
And you never said a word.  You wouldn’t fight for
me?” Craig asked, forcing Gil to look at him.
“If he messed you about I’d kill him.  But if he is
who you want to be with and he makes you happy, then
that’s where you should be.”
“What if I’m happy here with you?”
“Then that’s where you should stay!” Gil said
indistinctly through his tears.
Craig smiled at him wiping his face with his hand,
feasting his eyes on Gils' face.
"I never thought someone like you, with everything
you have going for you, would ever consider staying
with someone like me.  I just enjoyed your company
while I could.  That's why I never said anything to
you," Craig told him softly.  “I don't particularly
like sharing you with other blokes who have more
money than I’ll ever see and are brighter than I’ll
ever be, but I do love you, you know.”
A lot of men had told Gil they loved him, but none of
them had such sincerity shining from their eyes or
the tones of truth throbbing in their voices when
they said the words.
Gil kissed Craig with all the fervour he possessed
and his kisses tasted sweeter than ever before.

Gil lay with his head on Craig’s shoulder, slowly
stroking his fingertips through the hairs on Craig’s
chest.  He could feel his own hair sticking to his
back with sweat.  He twitched his shoulder blades
irritably, feeling too lazy to move.  Craig opened
his eyes and moved the offending hair away for him.
Gil snuggled down against him again, resuming his
slow, soothing stoking.
“By the way, I was thinking.  Your new nick.  It’s
only about two miles from here, isn’t it?”
“About that,” Craig sighed.  Any conversation was
beyond him at the moment.  He felt sated and totally
content.
“If you want, you could stay here when you’re on
duty.  Just if you want to,” Gil said diffidently.
Craig stayed silent for a few moments.
“What about your ….business?”
“They never, ever come here,” Gil stated firmly.
“Not even when….you know.”
“I’m not a rent boy!” Gil replied waspishly.  “I only
ever slept with those I considered to be friends."
Craig noticed the use of the past tense immediately.
“How long ago?”
This time Gil was silent.
“How long?” Craig repeated.
“Not since the first time I slept with you.”
Gil could see Craig’s lips curl up in a big smile.
“What are you looking so pleased about?” he growled.
“Really?”
“Yes, really!”
Craig’s smile got even wider.
“So, we’re exclusive then?”
“Unless you’ve been seeing other people,” Gil said.
Craig shook his head.  He rolled over and pinned
Gil’s body under his.
“Do you want to keep it that way?”
“Do you?”
“I asked first,” Craig said, stroking his thumb
across Gil’s face.
Gil caught the pad in his mouth and bit it then
kissed it.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” Gil asked.
“I wouldn’t be asking otherwise.”
Gil held his face in his hands and looked deep into
the brown eyes above him.
Craig smiled down at him, seeing the answer on his
face.
“I thought you’d had enough,” Gil said a few minutes
later, as Craig was making languid progress down his
body.
Gil hissed as Craig found an erotic spot on his hip
with his lips and teased it further with his tongue,
then he sighed and arched his back like a cat as
Craig moved a little further over.
“So, you are going to move in?” Gil asked dreamily.
Craig didn’t answer for a few minutes by which time
Gil had forgotten what he had asked.
“My mother always told me never to speak with my
mouth full and finish what you start,” he eventually
replied.
“You haven’t finished!  And your mother sounds like a
wonderful woman.  Must remember to thank her when I
meet her,” Gil replied pushing Craig’s head down
again.


“God it’s cold!”  Gil said, his hands deep in the
pockets of his fleece and running on the spot.
“We’ve been coming down here in February for the last
nine years and you always say the same thing,” Craig
said as he locked his car up.
“That’s because it’s always bloody cold!” Gil
complained.  “Come on, let’s get going.  I need some
exercise to keep me warm.”
Craig leaned in close to Gil’s ear before saying,
“You were offered exercise this morning but you
refused.”
“Your mother was wandering about.”
“So?”
“She might have come in.  I’m sure the sight of her
big strapping son screwing his boyfriend would have
been most edifying!”
“She knows we’re sleeping in the same bed.  She’s not
stupid, Gil.”
“I know she isn’t.” Gil crinkled his nose. “It just
doesn’t seem right,” he muttered.
“You’re embarrassed!” Craig said triumphantly, seeing
the tell tale blush along his cheekbones.
“No, I’m not.  It’s this wind!”
"You shouldn't have had so many baked beans for
breakfast, then," Craig said, grinning childishly.
"Ha bloody ha!  Come on!" Gil ordered, hooking his
arm in Craig's and dragging him down the concrete
ramp and onto the beach.  He pulled Craig along in
his wake like a tug pulling a liner out to sea until
Craig decided to show him just how fast an Inspector
in the Metropolitan Police could run.  Soon Gil was
out of breath and Craig was well ahead of him.  Craig
rounded the promontory ahead and disappeared from
sight.  Gil put on a spurt of speed, rounded the
corner and stopped dead.  A wide expanse of sand
stretched before him, the waves of the outgoing tide
lapping gently at the edge of the beach, a cliff
marking the boundary of the beach at the other side
but no sign of any other human being.  Gil looked
around totally confused.
"Craig.  Craig!" he shouted suddenly panicking.
He turned to the cliff, a movement catching his eye.
Craig was standing very still, leaning against the
rock and laughing at him.
"You…..!" he growled, running towards him.
Craig caught him around the waist and swung him,
pushing him towards the rock face.  Gil was hugely
surprised when he seemed to pass straight through the
cliff, Craig's face still grinning at his shock.
What he'd thought to be a slice of dark rock was the
entrance to a cave.
"Oh wow!" he breathed as he looked around the sandy
hollow.
"The cliffs are riddled with these places.  They
sometimes go for miles," Craig told him, taking his
hand.  "Mind your head."
Gil ducked as Craig led them both under a very low
section, then into a tiny narrow passageway.
"Why haven't you showed me this place before?" Gil
asked, keeping his head low.  Craig was walking
nearly double.
"Forgotten about it.  I haven't been in here since I
was a kid," he said, producing a tiny maglight from
his pocket.
The bright beam illuminated sandy coloured walls, the
drifting sand on the floor felt soft and deep.  They
rounded a corner into a smaller cave.  The floor was
covered in the same soft sand.
"We spent ages dragging extra sand in here to make a
comfortable den.  Looks like no-one has been in here
since then."
Craig suddenly pulled Gil towards him, then tripped
him, cushioning his fall into the sand then he
started kissing him passionately.

"God, I needed that!" Gil gasped, sometime later.
"You've warmed up as well, I take it?" Craig asked
breathlessly, holding Gil's hips as his head slumped
against his chest.  Gil’s legs, straddling his hips,
were relaxing their grip on his body a little.
"As hot as usual," Gil said cheekily.
Craig laughed.
"No complaints here."
"You must have been a boy scout in a previous life,
bringing a torch, lube and condoms for a walk on the
beach."
"Just hopeful and horny.  My beautiful partner has
been denying me his body for a week," Craig said,
with an edge to his voice.
Gil lifted his head and tried to look at Craig in the
darkness, then he put his head back down without
speaking.
"You really don't like making love when we're staying
with my mother, do you?"
"No, I don't.  We make a lot of noise, Craig."
"She knows we live together."
"I wouldn't be able to face her over the breakfast
table!"
Gil could feel Craig starting to laugh.
"I'd never have believed that you could be such a
prude."
"I'm not a prude!  This is just…. special.  Very
special.  I'm not sharing it with anyone who happens
to have sharp ears, including your lovely mother."
Craig could tell Gil was getting annoyed by the tone
of his voice.  He put his arms around the slim body
above him and rolled them both, quite slowly, so they
were lying on their sides.
"Yes, you are very special.  You're the most special
thing in my life," he said sincerely.  "I really miss
it when were not intimate.  You're like a drug to me.
I need my regular fix."
Gil's hand moved up, using Craig's body as a map in
the pitch dark, until he could stroke his face.  They
shared a kiss, before Gil broke the moment by saying,
"Insatiable sex maniac is nearer the mark.  You never
give me a moments peace, always abusing my poor
little body, night and day!"
"You're looking remarkably well on it," Craig replied
dryly.
Gil giggled and kissed him then asked,
"How are you fixed for more abuse?"
"What's the magic word?" Craig asked, between
bestowing more kisses on Gil's lips.
"Please!  Please, please, please!"


The next morning, their last but one, in Wales, Craig
got up early, leaving Gil to sleep on.  Quietly he
went into the bathroom and got into the shower.  He
was washing his hair when he sensed the bathroom door
opening then being locked, then the shower door
opening.  A pair of warm hands began wielding a
soaped sponge over his back until he had finished
rinsing the lather from his hair and face.  Then the
warm hands positioned him, insistently, as they
wanted him. Craig folded his arms against the tiled
wall and leaned his head on them, biting into his
forearm as he tried to stop himself moaning and
howling.  A sharp bite on his shoulder blade told him
Gil was employing similar methods.
They rested together for a few seconds afterwards
before Gil pulled away and began to briskly wield the
sponge again, cleaning then both up.
"You're quite right," Craig said, without bothering
to straighten up.  "We do make a lot of noise!"
Gil laughed, low and dirty.
"Tomorrow night we can raise the roof, lover."

Later on, after taking Craig's mother around the
shops, they took her for a stroll along the beach.
They walked past the entrance to the cave and kept on
going until the old lady wanted to sit down for a
rest.
"Your Dad and me used to love walking along the
beach, when we were younger," she told Craig and Gil.
"Did some of our courting here as well.  Not as much
as some others did, though.  I happen to know half a
dozen of your old school mates, young Owen Rees and
Anghared Davis among them, came out of one of those
caves in the cliff down there," she nodded down the
beach.  "Not him though, mind," she said, jerking her
thumb in Craig's direction.  "He might act like one
sometimes but he was born in wedlock."
Gil roared with laughter as Craig went red and said,
"Mam, stop it. You're embarrassing me!"
She laughed as she got to her feet and took Gil's
arm.
"Don't you mind him Gil," she said.
"What other stories have your forgotten to tell me?"
Gil asked mischievously.
"Well, there was that time when he was about
fifteen…."
"Mam!" Craig said in alarm.  She couldn’t know about
that and not have said anything all these years,
could she?
Gil glanced back, his eyes dancing with humour and
naughtiness, listening intently to the tales Craig's
mother was willing to impart.  Craig stopped and
looked at them lovingly as they were walking away
from him.  Over the years his mother had grown to
accept and like Gil, even more so after his father
had passed away.  He trailed along the beach in their
wake, listening with half an ear to what scurrilous
stories of his childhood she was passing on to his
partner.  Gil had heard nearly all of them before but
he never tired of encouraging her to tell them again.
He caught up with them and took his mother's other
arm when the subject of conversation changed to their
proposed new home.
"It looks like a really nice place, Gil," Glynys was
saying to him.  She had seen the photographs they had
brought down to show her.  "All that land with it
too, you'll be lords of the manor!"
"There's a little cottage attached to the main house
as well.  Thought we'd put that aside for you," Gil
told her.
"Steady on young man, I'm not quite ready for a
Granny flat yet!  Be nice for visits though.  You're
definitely set on buying it then?  What about Craig's
job?"
"I can commute until I can get a transfer to the
North Yorkshire force," Craig told her.
"I'm looking forward to seeing this mansion," his
mother said.  "When you get moved in I'll come up and
keep Gil company for a few days, whilst you're away."
"We can have wild parties, before he comes home," Gil
suggested.
"Oh, we can have lads in!  He won't be there to
frighten them off!"
"Shall I just stay away?" Craig asked, pretending to
be affronted.
Glynys laughed and pulled his arm tight against her
for a second or two.
"You'd better not.  If he doesn't see you for more
than a week, he'll pine away."
Gil laughed with Craig knowing that Glynys had got
his measure.  She could see how much he loved her
son.
As they drew level with the cave, Craig stopped to
empty his shoe of sand, telling his mother and Gil to
carry on.

He emptied out half of the beach which seemed to have
accumulated in there and straightened up.  He heard
someone calling his name, over and over again,
getting nearer, as if they were worried and looking
for him.
"Craig!  Craig!  Craig, where are you?"
"Gil?  I'm here." Craig shouted back, as a young man
rounded the promontory just in front of him.
"It’s not Gil.  It's me, Luke."
Craig stared in shock at Luke.
"Craig, are you alright?" Luke asked, coming towards
him.
Craig took in the grey hair at his temples and the
slightly longer way he wore his hair now, the lines
around his eyes and his generally more mature
appearance.
Suddenly the past six years crashed back onto him.
"Come on sit down," Luke ordered, helping him down to
the sand.  Craig's face looked grey.  Worriedly Luke
held onto his arm.  He brushed back Craig's silvering
hair, which had blown across his face in the sea
breeze.
Beyond him Craig could see two children playing about
at the edge of the waves, yelling and squealing at
each other.  They were Luke's children.
"Craig, do you want a doctor?"  Luke asked, now
seriously worried by his continued silence and pasty
complexion.
"No.  No, it's alright.  I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Sure."
"What happened?"
Craig had decided long ago that nothing but total
honesty should prevail in any relationship with Luke.
"I was remembering when Gil and I were deciding to
buy The Lodge.  We'd been walking along this beach
with my Mam."
Luke leaned forward and kissed his chill lips before
saying,
"You really were a million miles away, weren't you?"
He shrugged before saying,
"Thought you and the boys wanted to stay indoors,
what are you doing out here?"
"Your Mum sent us out to get you, tea'll be ready in
about half an hour."
"OK," he said, then gave Luke a quick smile.
Luke wasn't mollified by the gesture.  Craig had
looked at him a few minutes earlier as if he didn't
remember him at all.
"Are you sure you feel OK?"
"Yes, I'm OK.  Stop fussing Luke," he smiled to
soften the rebuke.
"Do you want some time on your own?" Luke asked
softly.  "We can go back and tell her to put tea back
for a bit."
"You’re a braver man than me, then," Craig replied.
Luke's face broke into a smile.
"I'll tell you what, I'll keep those two occupied and
you wander back when you want."
Craig nodded.  Luke looked behind him to check on the
children then leaned in for a longer kiss.  When he
pulled back the deep-seated fear of losing Craig
again was there in the back of his eyes.
"I'm fine, Luke.  Really," Craig tried to reassure
him.
Luke nodded, but Craig knew he didn’t believe him.
He reached out and held Luke's face between his hands
and kissed him again.  After a few seconds Luke
straddled him, kneeling in the sand, kissing him
back, the passion building between them.  When they
pulled apart Luke was breathing heavily, Craig knew
he was very turned on and that they wouldn't be able
to do anything about it for quite a while.
"Sorry!" he apologised.  "Didn't mean to do that to
you."
Luke closed his eyes, getting his breath back and
willing his arousal to subside.  Behind them a loud
yell of,
"Dad!  Tell him to stop!" brought Luke to his feet
with a sigh and a groan.  He pulled his jacket well
down and ran towards the two children, breaking up
the incipient fight between the younger boy and his
fifteen year old brother, who was teasing him
unmercifully.  Luke rounded them up and took them
further up the beach to some pools which lay around
the rocky outcrops, in the hopes of diverting their
attention onto something else.
Craig began remembering the night Gil was due back
from the solicitors from signing the final papers to
the new house and estate.  The knock on the door and
seeing Sergeant Luke Ashton and Chief Inspector Gold
standing there, bringing him the news there’d been an
accident.  Nine happy years with Gil had ended at the
side of a hospital bed.  The sudden cessation of
sound as the respirator was switched off, echoing
through the tiny room.  Gil's hand in his becoming
cool and finally cold the longer he sat beside his
body.  Then the months of constant grey fog which
bound him and locked his mind in blackest grief and
despair.  All the way through, the only constant
faces, which made an impression on his consciousness,
were Luke's and Gina's.  The fog starting to clear
and still Luke was there, taking him out for walks,
bringing his children to see him and generally
keeping him in tenuous contact with the human race.
Two years of missing Gil and wanting him and needing
him so badly it felt like a physical pain, and still
the one faithful item in his life was Luke.  Luke,
listening to him talk, holding him when he cried and
sitting with him when he was silent.  Then Craig
finally giving in and sleeping with him.  That had
been just over four years ago.  They had been living
together ever since.
The sum of a life.  Luke wasn’t Gil, he could never
replace him but they were happy together, in a very
different way.  This relationship was as different
again as his relationships with Sean, Carl, and Gil
had all been from each other.  An older and wiser
Luke was a far better person than the young Luke he
had fallen for all those years ago.  Fondly he
watched him playing with his sons.  They were good
kids and Kerry encouraged them to spend as much time
with their father and Craig as possible.
Surprisingly Luke's marriage to Kerry had lasted
longer than Craig had thought it would, despite both
partner's infidelities.  Craig stood up and brushed
the sand from his clothing then followed the sound of
voices.
 Luke turned his head and smiled at his lover.  Craig
could hear the excited chatter from both boys rise in
volume as they watched a small crab scuttle across
the bottom of the rock pool.
Before he rounded the rocks which would cut off his
view of the cave entrance, he turned for one last
look.  A beautiful young man was standing there
watching him and smiling, his long, dark hair blowing
in the wind.  Craig had often felt his presence
around that cave, over the years, but he had never
actually seen him before.  The man raised his hand
and blew him a kiss.  Craig smiled and pretended to
catch it and then kissed the palm of his own hand.
The image smiled happily, waved then seemed to melt
away into the rock face.
He stood for some minutes looking at the empty place
whilst a feeling of contented peace stole through his
soul.  He felt he had been privileged to be Gil’s
partner for the time they had together.  Very
privileged.  And even more so to have been given a
second chance at happiness with Luke.  Despite the
pain he had endured he felt like he had been a very,
very lucky man.
Craig crossed the expanse of sand to join Luke and
the boys at the side of the pool.  As he crouched
down Luke put his hand into his jacket pocket and
smiled up at him, before transferring his watchful
attention back to his children and the other denizens
of the rock pool.  Craig curled his hand around
Luke’s cold fingers and duly paid attention to the
wonders in the pool.