DISCLAIMER: None of this lot are mine, but you'd never know it, the
            way they carry on.  Serves me right for feeding'em, hey.

PAIRING:    N/A.  Kinda sorta.
RATING:     Dunno yet, but the DSE's dusting for rude words.
SPOILERS:   Of varying sizes, for bits of my stuff and Claire's.
FEEDBACK:   If you reckon it's worth it [ g ] comments of any stripe to
            bessie@goldweb.com.au


COMMENTS: Look, I know I said I'd never do this, but Claire needed
cheering up, and this guy in Iowa was hassling me about giving up slash
and writing "real fanfic", and Aunty ABC's only showing TB repeats on
Fridays, and our outsourcing cluster's gone pearshaped, and nobody on
the_bill's talking to each other, and you can't get a decent onion at
Woollies for love nor money at the moment, and...and...and...


=====

Caucus, or Deal with it, Dorothy
By kel

=====

kel's sitting in front of her keyboard, trying to concentrate on work.
It's not happening.  She's surrounded by a group of six-inch-high
figures in various states of undress, perched on her shoulder, on her
keyboard, jumping up and down in front of her monitor, having
mock-fights with her little Dalek, and leaning on the mouse button at
exactly the wrong moment.  Some sit, some stand, all are making vehement
gestures.  They're all shouting at once.  The noise is deafening.

kel screams in frustration and bangs her mineral water down on her desk,
hard.  She ignores the odd looks she's getting from Daniel and Janet on
the other side of the room.


kel: All right already, ok?  I'm listening.  [ lowers voice ] But get
  the fuck on with it, I'm supposed to be working here.

The figures quieten for a moment, then all begin speaking at once.

kel: Oi!!!!  One.  At.  A.  Time.  Steve, shut up.  Now.  You'll get
your turn.  Rodney, you first.

Rod Skase stands up, beaming arrogantly at the others.

kel: And keep it //short//.  Just tell me what you want.

Jim: [ sotto voce ] I've heard //that// before...

The others smirk, snort etc.  kel glares at Jim, who mock-glares back,
then makes a "wee willy" signal with his little finger.  kel laughs,
against her better judgment.  She can never stay cross with him for
long, and he knows it.

kel: That's enough out of you.  [ Jim blows her a mock kiss ]  Rod?

Rod: Well, I've got a bit of a list, here... [ fumbles in his
overcoat pocket ]

Jarvis: [ to Tony, not quietly ] He would.

kel: You, out.

Jarvis: What?

kel: Out.  I don't do you, Jarvis.  We've been through this before.

Jarvis: You could at least //try//...

kel: I //did//.  It didn't work, remember? It never //will// work.  I
don't //like //you, Mike.  Nothing personal, but you're a prick.

Jarvis: But so's Steve...

Steve just smirks.

Jarvis: ...and Boyden.

kel: Yeah, but Steve is fuckmedead gorgeous.  And I don't do Boyden
either.  Out.

Jarvis: That's not what he said.

kel: I beg your pardon?

Jarvis: [ uncertain ] That's not what he said.

Boyden: I never.  Ooh what a giveaway.

kel looks around, spots him lurking behind the picture of Anne Marie and
the gang on holiday.

kel: Out here.  Now.

Boyden shamefacedly emerges, pretending he wasn't hiding.

kel: [ looks long and hard at Boyden ]  Is this true, Matt?

Boyden: No!  I never... [ falters ]  Well...

kel: Well, what?

Boyden: I just thought... after "Unlucky in Love"...

kel: What, the dating agency episode?  [ laughs ] I don't do het sex,
Matthew love.  You know that.  And especially not with underage girls...

Boyden: No, I know.  It was just... oh, never mind.  [ looks
despairingly at Boulton ]

kel notices, turns to look at Boulton, quizzically.

Boulton: [ grins, innocently ]

kel: [ light, but dangerous ] Is there anything you want to tell me,
John?

Boulton: No, not at all.

Suzy: Aah.

kel raises an eyebrow.

Suzy: Eye contact.  Full of eye-contact.  It was quite sexy, really,
even when they were arguing.  Well, especially when they were arguing.

kel: [ looks back at Boyden ]  No.  No way, uh-uh.  Sorry.

Boulton: She has got a point, you know.  Antagonism makes me horny,
and he's such a blatantly macho heterosexual ---

Debs: Macho?? [ stifles fit of giggles ]

Boulton: ...heterosexual.  There'd be heaps of mileage in that,
surely?

kel: John, John, John.  Ingrid would have a fit.  I promised I
wouldn't touch him, and I won't.  Sorry.

Suzy: Oh, go on.  I wouldn't mind seeing that.  Middle-aged boyish
charm meets vituperous, controlling sexual energy... [ shifts in her
seat, self-consciously ]  you've got to admit it's got potential.

Jarvis, seeing how things are going, decides to cut his losses.  He
slinks away, mulishly, kicking over a disk box on his way out.

kel: [ dubiously ]  Well...  [ looks back and forth between Boulton
and Boyden.

Boyden: Just a once in a lifetime thing, that's all.  Look, I'm a
bird bandit, you all know that.  That's not going to change... it's just
I've always wanted to know what it's like, you know.

kel: What, fuck or be fucked?

Boyden: Well, be fucked, I thought.  Make a change, reluctant
admission, play hard-to-persuade, that sort of thing.  Spin it out a
bit, maybe?  People love that.  And they'd cheer him on, you know that.
Great PR... maybe a PWP?  You know you need practice at those.

kel: Well...

Suzy: Oh, go on.  As a favour, for me?

Debs: And me.

kel: And what do I get in return?

Debs and Suzy look at each other, then at kel...

Debs: Well...  we were gonna ask this anyway, but...

Suzy: We'd love to help out, honest.  And since Norika's decided not
to get involved...

kel: Oooh... I like that.  I like that.

Suzy: [ beaming ]  Thought you might.

kel: Well...  [ looks to Boulton, who's grinning like a shag on a
rock, then to Boyden ]  No promises, and it's on the Whenever pile, no
priority, but I'll think about it, OK?

Boyden: //Yes//!!!!!  [ punches the air ] does a high-five with Nick
Slater. ]  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

kel: [ laughs ] All right, all right. You were saying, Rod?

Rod: Yeah, well. I've already asked the guys about these, so it's OK
with them, we just need you to schedule it, you know what I mean?

kel: Go on.

Rod: [ reads from crumpled bit of paper ]  I'd like to do Jim, for
fun.  PWP or something, no involvement.

kel: Can do.  Obbo scenario?

Rod: Anything, we're easy.  And I've squared it with John, by the
way.

kel: Oh, this'd be totally separate from Home Ground, wouldn't it?

Boulton: Not necessarily.  I'm happy for a merger as long as I get to
watch at some point.  Or go ballistic, either one.

kel: [ makes a note ] ..ballistic.  OK...

Rod: I'd also like a companion piece, not related, say I come across
Jim jacking off somewhere and.. well...

kel: ...join in?

Rod: Well, yeah, either that or get off on it, you know, or maybe
John can come along and help out or something, I dunno.  I hadn't really
thought that one through.

kel: Jim?

Jim: Fine with me.  I'd prefer not to do the join in though.  Seems a
bit predictable to me.  I don't think I do that sort of thing.

Boulton: Yeah.  Anyway it's much nicer if the guy you're watching can
be totally oblivious.

Rod: Yeah.

kel: OK... any thoughts about location?

Jim: Not the bloody office bogs.

Rod: Pub or something?  Through the window into his living room?

Jim: Hang on, she's got me living in the sectionhouse though.

kel: Ah, never mind that.  If it's not Golden Boy universe, you can
live anywhere you want.  So... let's go with the living room... leather
couch, that sort of thing... where will you be, Rodney?

Rod: Front step?

Everyone looks at him, laughing in disbelief.

Rod: [ defensive ] I'd have my overcoat on...

Boulton: I like that.  I can see that.  One hand on the windowsill,
the other deep in the folds of the dark, black material...

kel: Oh, yes yes yes.  OK, it's a deal.  That it?

Rod: Er... there's the Beech thing,

kel looks sharply at him, he ignores her

Rod: ... but I'll get back to you on that... um, Daly of course, and
the flirting in Short Sharp Shock...

kel: Rodney... we've been through this.  You are a //secondary
character //in Short Sharp Shock, not a main one.  Not part of a
pairing.

Rod: But I flirt.  It's right there on-screen--

kel: Yes, you do flirt.  But I can't //say// that...

Boulton: Anyway, it's a love story.

kel: True.  John and David -- [ nods towards David Wilson, sitting
shyly on the rim of her coffee cup ] -- need time to get to know each
other, this is John's first emotional involvement for a hell of a long
time, Rod.

Rod: But he notices me...

kel: Yes, he does.  I've got him grinning at your lovely little arse
as you walk back to your desk just before David calls...

Rod grins.

kel: ...//and // I'm making a lot of play out of him touching you on
the back at Linda Francis' flat, //and// I'm going to weight those
lovely ambiguous glances in the CID room and the Interview Room.

Rod: But...

kel: //And// I've given you a whole three paragraphs on your effect
on John's reawakened libido - and that's all //original story//, Rod.
More than Jim gets.   Honestly, Rod, there's not a lot more I can do.
I'm working with the script on this one.

Rod: [ mollified ]  OK.  I didn't know that.  Thanks.

kel: Right.  Who's next?

Rod: Er... just one more thing...[ blush ] I'd like... I'd like to,
er...  [ deep breath ] I'd like to be fucked by Boulton, please.

kel: Well, duh.

Rod: Er, yeah, but...

kel: Come on... spit it out.

Rod: Er, can we talk privately?

kel: No, we can't.  Come on love, you can't shock me, and these boys
[ gestures around ] have seen most things one way and another.  What is
it?  Watersports?  J/O?  Bondage?  Jim's got a lovely set of fur-lined
handcuffs tucked away somewhere, I'm sure he'd lend them to you if you
wanted.

Rod: Er... not exactly...[ looks miserable ]

Boulton stands up, squeezes Rod's shoulder encouragingly

Boulton: I think what Rod's trying to say is that he'd like it in the
office.

Murmurs from the assembled cast.

Boulton: It's all right, we have talked about it.  I wasn't too keen
on it at first, but...

kel: You slut.  You absolute slut.

Boulton: Ahh, but you love me for it.

kel: True [ laughs ]  Ok, ok.  Are we talking reality or dream
sequence?

Boulton: [ shrugs ] I'm easy.  [ exchanges meaningful smile with Rod,
stops when he notices Meadows watching with interest ]

kel: Rod?

Rod: Er... dream sequence, please.  [ hurriedly ] I know, I know, you
don't think you can do my POV, but I'd like you to try, please.

kel: OK, I suppose I do owe you one for the bath thing.  Any special
requirements?

Rod: Er... over Boulton's desk, not mine... and there have to be
reports and case files all over it.   And... and... I want to be wearing
my overcoat.  Again.

kel: [ long, long pause ] You have a problem, you know that, don't
you?

Rod: [ blush ]

Pol: [ enthusiastic ] Or it could be Meadows' desk...

Meadows: No way.

Boulton: Oh, come on, it's only a dream sequence.  Look, I'll clean
it up myself afterwards, honest.

Meadows: [ folds arms ]  I'd need more than that.

Boulton: But Sir... [ reaches out appealingly ]

kel: No, hang on, hang on.  [ looks appraisingly at the way Meadows
is watching Boulton's hand approach him ]  Jack...

Meadows: Yes?

kel: S'pose... s'pose you could have whoever you want, who would it
be?

Meadows: John.  Definitely.

Steve: [ sourly ] Jesus, I thought I was supposed to be The Fuckable
One...

Boulton: After what you've done to Jim?  Yeah, right.

Steve: Look, I'm only doing what he //wants// me to...

Jim carefully doesn't look at anyone.

Meadows: Look, Steve, it's nothing personal, really.  I just want
John, that's all.  If you were CID, maybe, but...

kel: [ thoughtfully ]  You know, that could work.

Meadows: I've been trying to tell you that for ages.  And you're not
getting anywhere with Chris, are you.  Rie's gonna be dead pissed off
with the pair of you.

kel: I know, I know... [ looks over at Deakin, who appears to be
preoccupied with the Dyevka quotes stuck to the bottom of the monitor. ]
It'd help if I had a little //co-operation//...

Deakin has the grace to look abashed, but (very wisely) says nothing.

Meadows: So?

kel: Tell me, did you fool around with any undercover cops in the
Seventies?  While you were listening to Deep Purple and maybe bending
the rules a little, smoking a bit o' dope...

Jim: [ looking appraisingly at Meadows ] I didn't know you were into
Deep Purple.

Nick: [ hopefully ] I didn't know you did dope...

Meadows: [ trademark weary grin ] Neither did I...

kel: Well, you did.  Darling.  If you want John, you did.  And you
play guitar, too.

Meadows: Fine.  But I'm still happily married, right?

kel: Right.  Actually, scratch the undercover stuff -let's say you
had an oppo who got close to propositioning you, you never took him up
on it, very fond of him as a friend -

Meadows: Lost him along the way?

kel: Yeah, grew apart... always wondered, never regretted...

Suzy: Make him Wieldy, out of Dalziel and Pascoe!

Debs: Would that work?

Jim: Well, the accent's close enough... Yorkshire, and all that...

Monroe: No, that's me.

Jim: Oh.

kel: I'll ask Rie, she'll know.  Anyway, go on...

Meadows: And then one day I find myself looking at Boulton...

kel: In emotional pain, big honey-brown eyes, fighting for control...

Boulton: Pain?  Hey, wait a minute, you never said nothin' about
pain...

Suzy: And you just have to lean in and say "John"...

kel: Softly...

Suzy: Slowly...

Meadows: And kiss him...

kel, Suzy: ...kiss him....

kel, Suzy, Debs, Jim, Gary, Reg and David: Ohhhhhhh....

Rod: [ aggrieved ] Hey!  What about me?.

kel: Mmmmh?

Rod: What about me?

kel: [ eyes still slightly glazed ] What about you?

Rod: How about a double sequence... I'd quite like Meadows to take
me, as well.  I mean...

Meadows: [ touched ]  Why, Rodney... I never knew...

Rod: No, well [ shuffles ]  I've always admired you, Sir.  Really.

Meadows: Even though I'm so hard on you?

Rod: Well, to tell you the truth, that's part of it...

Meadows: Over my desk?

Rod: Oh, yes, please.

Meadows: [ getting into the spirit ]  Or Brownlow's [ wicked grin ]
I've always wanted to fuck on Brownlow's desk...

Brownlow: Now hang on...

Conway: Oh, come on Charles, don't be so stuffy.  Well, in that case
I'll get Marion to order an extra box of tissues...

kel: All right, all right, this is getting out of hand.  Anything
else?

Rod: No, no.   That's it.

He looks very happy indeed.  He walks over to Meadows and sits down next
to him, loosening his tie.  Meadows raises his eyebrows and gets a
cheeky grin in return.

kel: Right.  So, that's... [ reads over notes ] Rod/Jim obbo, Rod/Jim
jackoff with Jim having his own house,

Jim: Hear hear.

kel: ...and maybe John getting in on the act, Short Sharp Shock I'm
doing at the moment, and two dream sequences, over the desk,

Rod: With the overcoat!

kel: ...With the overcoat.  [ sigh ]  Who's next?

Boulton: Me.

The assembled company groans.

kel: Come off it, you're booked solid till Easter.

Boulton: I like what you're doing with the love angle in Short Sharp
Shock, but I want a better title.  Something like Shades of Grey?

kel: I was thinking that myself - grey hair, grey area...  David, you
happy with that?

David hops down from the coffee cup, comes to join Boulton, who's
leaning next to the open CD drive.

David: Yeah, that's fine.  But I'd like to be a bit more secretive
just before the trial.  Not alarmingly so, but I think there needs to be
a bit of mystery, misinterpretation.

kel: Where he thinks you've taken his warnings on board and have to
think about it, but you're really hanging round the estate?

David: Doing the "research", yeah.  I sort of forgot I had to do
that, but I need it for the first interview sequence.

kel: Cool.  Consider it done.  You happy with what I've done with
Kirsty?

David: Yeah, it's great.  She's really strong, self-sufficient.  I
like that.

Boulton: Yeah, well she needs to be, doesn't she?  With you going to
jail and everything.

David: [ rolls eyes ] Don't remind me...

Boulton grins affectionately at him, and they exchange a loving kiss.
Boulton runs his hands through David's thick grey hair as he talks.

Boulton: OK.  The only other things are I want to stake out a gay
club with Rod.

kel: What on earth for?

Boulton: I dunno, that's your department.  Anyway, I want us to have
to get physical so we don't blow our cover.

kel: [ looks over glasses at Rod ]  You didn't mention this...

Rod: [ shrugs ] I didn't know about it.

Boulton: Yeah, well it's from my POV, not his.  And he's straight, in
this one.  Or I think he is, anyway.  You know the sort of thing,
masculine attitudes, immaturity, reacts badly when he has to fake it but
gets a hard-on anyway, that sort of thing.

kel: It's a bit of a cliché.

Boulton: So?  [ shrugs ]  Claire liked the idea.  Oh, and I want Jim
there.

kel: So does this tie in to Team Player?

Boulton: [ shrugs ] Not my problem.  [ bends close and whispers
something to David, who laughs ]

kel: You're cruising for a bruising, you are.  OK.

Jim: What about the cuff thing?

kel: Huh?

Boulton: Oh, yeah.  And I want to be done by Predatory Jim.
Scaffolding, cuffs, penis straps, the works.  Make me *whimper*, you
know what I'm saying?  I haven't had anything kinky yet, and I'm
starting to get a bit twitchy without it.  And no, the whole
Batman/Robin deal just doesn't do it for me.

Rod: [ snorts ] I believe you, thousands wouldn't...

Boulton: OK.  I mean I like it, but I want the hard stuff too, yeah?
Whack on the balls and everything.

kel: [ concerned ] You OK with this, Jim?

Jim looks uncomfortable.

Jim: Well... Not yet.  I mean I'll give it a go, but I'm still
getting over Steve, theoretically.  I don't think I can put on the boots
just yet.

Steve is in a very bad temper now.

Jim: [ to Steve ]  Look, it's OK, I still want you.  I just want to
be a bit more adult about it, that's all.

Suzy: But you're multi-faceted... you can get away with it...  I can
see you as a dominator.

Pol: Yeah, look at the way you looked at me during Split Second, when
I wrangled the drug dealer to the ground...

Jim: [ laughs ] That's 'cos I want you to do that to ME, not the
other way round...

Pol: Oh.  Oooohhhhhh.

Jim: Yes.  Interesting, isn't it?

Pol: Doing anything tonight?  I think we need to talk about this.  [
bright smile ]

Jim: Sure.  [ momentary gleam in his eye ]  Might just give Tracey a
call an' all...

kel: That's very you, somehow.  Will you give it a go?  I'd like to
see you in control for once, myself.

Jim: OK, I'll try.  But no blades, flames or ropes, right?  I don't
really want to hurt anyone at the moment.  Or ever, really.

Boulton: It's OK.  I've got a safeword.

Jim: [ shocked ] I should hope so.  I wouldn't do it without one.

Steve: You don't have one.

Jim: Well... that's different, isn't it.  Medical grounds...

kel: [ fondly ] God I love you, Carver.

Jim: Just back on the Team Player thing, is it OK if I bring John off
in the car?  Just by hand, nothing too strenuous.

kel: The CID car?

Jim: Yep.  On stakeout or something.

kel: Fine with me.

Boulton: As long as I get a long, loving, tender scene with him as
well.  I really, really want to make love to this man.  He deserves it.

David looks up quizzically.

Boulton: Hey, he reminds me of you, OK...

Rod: [ snorts ] You'd have done him anyway.

Boulton: No, I don't think so.  I need David first, wake me up a bit.
Make me feel able again, you know.

Jim: [ looks at Boulton with compassion ] Ray Kingsley's got a lot to
answer for.

Meadows: [ looks at Jim the same way ] So's Mike Dashwood.

Steve: [ sharply ] He doesn't want to talk about that.

Gary: [ to Reg ]  See, he *does* care about Jim.  I told you.

Reg: [ sniffs ] Yeah, well, he's got a funny way of showing it, is
all I'm saying.

Boulton: //Anyway//... yeah, so put me down for Jim.  Something with
a bit of love in it.

Jim comes up to kel, whispers in her ear.

kel: Aaaaah.  OK.  [ winks at Rod ]

Boulton: What?

kel: Never you mind.

kel scribbles something down, passes it to Suzy Croft, who reads it and
falls off the keyboard laughing.  She passes the note to Debs, who
promptly giggles.

Debs: I thought you didn't do threesomes!

kel, Jim, Suzy:  Oh, //Deeebs//... [ groan ]

Debs: Oh, shit.  Sorry.

Boulton: //What//?

Jim: Oh, might as well tell 'im.  Simultanous rim and blow job.  Me
and Rod, you in the middle.  How does that sound?

Boulton: [ grins, ferally ]  Blimey, this is my lucky week, isn't
it..

David: So what's so funny?  I don't get it.

kel: [  leans over and whispers to him ] He's ticklish.

David: [ bursts out laughing ] He's not, is he?

kel: No, but he //will //be... Don't you //dare //say anything, OK?

David: [ grinning ] OK.

Steve: [ aggressively ] Look, I've got to be back at Claire's by 8.
Can we get on?

kel: Oh, very well.  You've been very patient so far; I'm proud of
you.

Steve: Fuck off.  Right.  I want to tell my side of Golden Boy, and
my side of Somewhere Within.

kel: What, now?

Steve: No.  No.  After Gary.

Everyone looks at McCann.

Gary: [ blushing, voice tremulous but grows stronger as he speaks ]
I'm... I'm sick of you lot painting him as a bastard.

Steve: But I am a bastard.

Gary: Not all the time.  I love you.   I want people to know why.

Steve: Fair enough.  But you're not blind, OK? I'm a real shit to you
sometimes.  I'm sorry, I love you too, but you can't expect me to change
overnight.

kel: Whoah, whoah, slow down.  Are you still seeing Jim, when this
happens?  When you talk about it?

Steve: Dunno.  Depends on him, I suppose.

Jim: Whatever.

Steve: I'd better be, actually.  Contrast rationale with behaviour,
that sort of thing.  I mean I'm worse to him than I am to Gary.

kel: This is true.  But you're not going to rose-colour him, are you,
Gaz?

Gary: No.  But I'm thinking of playing up the compassion thing.
Look, I'm a big boy now, I can look after myself.

Jim: Plus he wouldn't love you if you didn't stand up to him.  I
should know.

Gary: True.  But he does care abou--.

Jim: I don't want to hear it.

Steve: Yeah, Gary.  Leave it, OK?

Jim: I'm more worried about this backstory thing.  I mean just how
badly damaged is he?

kel: What, Steve?  [ Jim nods ]  Oh, look, don't worry about that...
I'm still tossing up Scobie and Davies and... well, I'm not gonna throw
you to the lions just yet, Steve.  Gotta talk to Tracey a bit more
first.  And anyway, Claire's got dibsies...

Steve: [ very, very sharply ] I don't want to talk about that.

Gary: It's gonna have to be dealt with sometime, love... [ puts hand
on Steve's shoulder ]

Steve shrugs Gary off, angrily, but sits down next to him,
apologetically.

kel: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything...

Steve: What about my random fucks though?  PWPs and all that?  I
thought you were setting something up with Nick Slater for me?

kel: I was, but John's sort of the Man of the Moment...

Nick: Yeah, but we need hot sex too.  I mean angst's all very well...

Reg: Since when did you get angsted?

Nick: Malissa's story, remember?

Reg: Oh, right.  Fair enough.  [ to kel ] But what about us?

kel: I'm working on that.  Evidence room, Christmas party, something
like that?

Reg: [ cheerful ] Yeah, that's fine.  Can he get a static electric
shock on his cock from the metal shelves?

kel: [ laughs ]  Sure.  I was gonna do that to you, actually...

Reg: I know.  [ pokes tongue out at Nick ]

Nick looks sulky.

Reg: [ undaunted ] And I'd like to cuddle Jim, please.

Jim: //What//?

Reg: No sex, nothing like that.  Just say you have a bad night and
you need a friend, so you come up to my room and talk.  Or I haul you
in, rather.  You're not exactly the world's best company at the moment.

Jim looks dubious.

Steve: Well, he is the only one who knows about us, apart from
Gary...

Boulton: And me.  But I'm not exactly in the market for cuddles
unless it's David.

Jim: I hadn't thought of that.  Do I have to be drunk?

Reg: I don't mind [ shrugs ]  But I'd like it if you were sober
enough for it to touch you.

kel: Oh, that'd be lovely...

She looks at her watch, swears viperishly.

kel: Oh, shit.  Three hours. //Three //hours.  "It'll only take
fifteen minutes" my arse.  Right, well that's it for today, I don't have
email at home so the rest of you will just have to wait.

[ groans ]

kel: Dave, Tony, don't worry, I've got you pencilled in for next
March sometime, so you've got plenty of time to prepare.  I still think
you should have sex, even if it's just to piss Richard off...

Dave: No way, we just cuddle.

Tony: That's not quite true, but it is mainly a friendship thing.

Dave: It's a love thing.  And anyway, Tony's shy.

kel: Yeah, yeah, I get that.  But think about it, OK?

Dave: [ grumble ] I like Claire's take on it.  She knows when to cut
away...

kel: Right, well off you go, the lot of you.  I've got to leave in
half an hour and I'd rather like to have some //work// to show for
it...OK?  So... bye.  Byee....

She shoos them away.  They stroll off into the spaces behind the
computer.

kel: Christ, this gets more and more complicated every day...

Beech: I believe the appropriate expression is Deal With It, Dorothy.

kel: [ jumps ] Jeeesus, Don, don't //do// that to me.  Where the hell
did you come from?

Beech: I've been hanging out on Daniel's PC, watching him play Quake.
I want a word with you.

kel: Oh, not //now//... I'm not strong enough to deal with you.

Beech: [ grins wickedly ]  But you'd like to...

kel gives him a sour look.

Beech: G'wan.  You fancy me, you know you do.

kel: If this involves greyhounds or untraceable notes, you're on your
own, Sergeant.

Beech: [ mock hurt ]  Would I?  Would I?  [ he takes a sip of her
mineral water, grimaces, looks at her speculatively  ] No, look, nothing
iffy, I promise.

He pushes her mineral water over into the bin.

Beech: Glass of wine?

kel: No.  Oh, [ looks around ] what the fuck.  Don't mind if I do.

Beech sits down on the arm of her chair, grows to full size and hands
her a glass of dry, crisp Riesling.  He leans in nice and close, focuses
his harsh blue eyes on hers, and lowers his voice to a confidential
growl.

Beech: I've got a proposition for you...  remember that photo Claire
sent you, of me and Carver, drunk...

kel: Yeeee-es....

Beech: And how Helen said me and Rod spend a bit of time together
next year?

kel: I'm listening...

Beech: Well... [ looks around, sneers at the other occupants of the
office ] ...actually, this could take a while.  Shall we discuss this
over dinner?

He picks up her handbag, takes her arm and they wander off down the
corridor, pausing only to kick the Corporate Services Head's door shut.
We track them to the lift, where the doors close as he bends to light
her cigarette.  Fade to black on low murmurs and evil, evil laughter
echoing into the distance...

=== end © bessie ===