JUST AN ILLUSION

Author:    Eggbert
E-mail:    mbejane2000@yahoo.com
Fandom:    The Bill
Rating:    NC-17
Pairing:   Des/Reg

Summary:   Be careful of what you have. If you lose it,
           you might never get it back.And what you see isn't
           always what it seems.

Spoilers:   None. A tiny time loop in Planet Sun Hill
            set just after Not Unless You Mean It.

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, damnit.

Dedicated to kel, as always.



" Coming down the pub tonight, Des? " asked Tony.

Des shook his head decisively.

" Nah. Thought I'd pop in on Reg and see how he's
doing. We might catch up with you later on though."

" Fair enough" said Tony amiably and leaned against
the wall to wait for the rest of the relief to join
him.

As Des made his way to his car he allowed himself a
small grin. No one thought it strange that he should
be spending so much time with a convalescent Reg. They
were joined at the hip after all, weren't they? And
Des was positive he'd heard himself referred to by
Tony as 'the wife' to Reg.

His grin turned into a snarl. How would the sarcastic
cunt feel if he knew the truth?

Des pulled up outside a row of neat terraced houses
and got out of the car. Tony would have been
flabbergasted to see him walk confidently up the
garden path and open the front door with a key.

" Reg?"

No reply. Des walked into the living room to find the
man in question fast asleep on the settee. His left
arm was covered in a pristine white dressing, he wore
a T-shirt and grey sweatpants and his feet were bare.
A copy of 'The Railway Modellers Monthly' had slid
from his grasp to the floor and he was out for the
count, his lips slightly parted as he snored lightly.

Tony would have been even more astounded at the tender
expression on Des's face as he watched Reg sleep. Des
took off his jacket and went into the kitchen to make
coffee. The noise must have disturbed Reg for Des came
back into the living room to find him sitting upright and
rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

" Hiya, " said Des. " I've got the kettle on. "

" I wasn't expecting you, " yawned Reg. " I must have
dropped off. "

" It's the exciting stuff you read, Reggie babe, "
grinned Des, " Better than Valium. " Reg glared at
him.

" How's the arm? " asked Des. Two weeks previously Reg
had had his forearm sliced open during a pub brawl
that had got out of hand.

" It's fine. I had the stitches out yesterday. I'll be
back to work in a couple of days. And it's not that
sore that I can't hold you properly either. "

Des manoeuvred himself as close to Reg as possible.

" Is that right? " he asked.

In reply, Reg placed his hand on the back of Des's
neck and drew his head down until their lips met and
they kissed hungrily. As Des's hands crept beneath
Reg's shirt, Reg leaned back against the arm of the
sofa to allow Des free access to his body. Des almost
strangled him in his haste to get Reg's T-shirt off,
exposing the creamy warm skin of his chest. He worked
his way slowly over every inch of Reg's sweet flesh,
reacquainting himself with every spot on Reg's torso
that could make him writhe whenever a warm mouth was
applied. And there were many, Reg's chest was just one
large erogenous zone. Des's hand moved over the front
of Reg's pants, making Reg moan aloud with pleasure
at the friction. Des was touched to see just how
aroused Reg had become and moved his hand inside
only to encounter bare Hollis.

The idea of a knickerless Reg was almost intoxicating
to Des and he wasted no time in stripping him and
turning his attentions to Reg's dripping erection.

He loved the sweet, musky taste of Reg and he nuzzled
the thick nest of black curls at the base of Reg's
belly before licking him from root to tip. He paused,
looking up to see the effect his ministrations were
having on Reg. His eyes were wide open so as not to
miss a single second and the sweat of passion stood
out on his face as his hands clenched on one of the
sofa cushions. Grinning, Des took him into his mouth
slowly, an inch at a time and suckled hungrily. Reg's
breathing speeded up as the intensity of the
sensations he was feeling multiplied and with a long
inarticulate cry, he climaxed.

Wordlessly he kissed Des, tasting his own essence on
his lover's tongue. Gracefully he stood up and led Des
upstairs to his bedroom.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Des carefully eased himself out of Reg's embrace. He
had told Reg he was on the early turn that morning but
he had lied. Reg made a sleepy protest and Des waited
until the huddled shape under the duvet had stilled
again before he pulled his clothes back on and went
out into the cold early-morning air of Canley. Back at
his own flat he poured himself a large whisky and
downed it in one. He ached pleasurably from making
love with Reg and realised he'd have to get some sleep
if he was going to be worth anything in the morning.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

" I thought you would have turned up last night, "
said Tony after parade to Des. " It's not like you to
miss a piss-up. "

" I couldn't be bothered. " said Des dismissively.

" Did you go and see Reg? "

" Yeah, he'll be back in a couple of days. "

" Missed him, have you? "

" Very fucking funny, " snarled Des.

He was unbelievably quiet in the area car, so much so
that is shift partner commented on it.

" Got a lot on my mind. " said Des. End of
conversation.

He was thinking about Reg. He had always hoped to keep
the fact that he liked both sexes as bedmates a
closely-guarded secret but the more time he spent with
Reg, the more he wanted everyone to know about it. But
there was the very real chance that he would become
the laughing-stock of the entire station. And he
wouldn't be able to bear the smug I-always-knew-you-were-
one-of-us look on Gilmore's face when he found out.

And there was Reg. What did //he// want? He had never
made any demands, just content to be Des's mate in
public and what they did behind closed doors, and on
one memorable occasion in the area car, was between
them, no one else. Des resolved to ask him at the
first opportunity.

He was passing Inspector Gold's office door when he
heard his name being called.

Cursing under his breath at the thought of another
bollocking he went inside.

" Ma'am? "

" How do you fancy a spot of undercover work? " she
asked.

" How do you mean. Ma'am? "

" CSU has had a whisper about an extreme right-wing
group operating in this area. Proto-Nazi's. We need
someone to try and find out what they're up to. Not
infiltrate them, you haven't got enough experience for
that, just to keep an ear to the ground. They appear
to meet informally in The Blackbird, that's a pub..."

" On the Larkmeade Estate. Yes, ma ' am, I know where
it is. "

" Get in there and start listening, okay? You'll liase
with someone from the Race Crimes Unit, if you hang
on, I'll introduce you."

There was a knock at the door and, at the summons a
woman entered.

" PC Taviner, this is DI Morgan from the Yard. Lisa,
this is your undercover operative. "

Des gawked. The woman was a pocket Venus. Long
ash-blonde hair hung over her shoulders framing a
perfect heart-shaped face and a pair of aquamarine
eyes surveyed him critically. Unconsciously Des
straightened up and offered her a smile. She didn't
return it.

" He's perfect, Gina. " said the DI. " Just the type
they'll be looking for to recruit. Neanderthal Man. "

Gina Gold smothered a grin at Des's expression.

" Okay, PC Taviner, "

" Des, " said Des.

" Des, then. I want you in that pub every night until
you hear otherwise. I'll meet with you each night and
get a verbal report from you. In order not to arouse
suspicion, I'll pretend to be your girlfriend. " A
look of sheer distaste crossed her face at the
prospect. " Are you married? "

" Nope. Haven't got a girlfriend either. "

" Good. You'll have to keep yourself pretty much
incommunicado until this thing gets settled. These
are dangerous people, Des. You don't want them knowing
anything about you. "

" Right. " Des's heart sank. He wouldn't even be able
to tell Reg why he couldn't see him.

" We'll start tonight. Good luck, Des. "

" Ma'am. " He nodded to both of them and left the
office. When he was well out of earshot of anyone he
took out his mobile and dialled.

" Hello? "

" Reggie babe, it's me. "

" Hi, Des. "

" Listen, mate. I won't be able to see yer for a
while. Something's come up at work, and that's all I
can tell yer. "

" Very cryptic, " said Reg

" You'll just have to trust me, okay? "

" All right. Be careful, won't you? "

" I'll do me best, mate. See ya. "

With a heavy heart, Des made his way to the locker
room to change.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Within a couple of days, Des was bored out of his
mind. The Blackbird was a dump, the beer was awful and
the staff verged on the hostile. He had lost more
money than he cared to think about in the fruit
machine and if any of the dimwits in the pub were
trainee National Front, Des was a Dutchman. Especially
the colourless little bloke who seemed glued to the
corner seat and whose main interest seemed to be in
making a pint of bitter last an entire night.

One high spot was Lisa's visits for his verbal report
that he would whisper into her ear under cover of
giving her a good snogging. He was just about to have
another go at dropping the bandit when the door opened
to admit a crowd of men. Des's interest was
immediately pricked. These were not the usual bunch of
no-hopers that frequented The Blackbird; these were men
with a purpose. In guise of obtaining another pint of the
cat's piss that passed for lager in that place Des listened.

He was appalled. His own prejudices were something he
had learned to overcome for survival in the job but to
hear someone else repeating them loudly, as if it were
something to be proud of, made him feel physically ill.
Only in the Toxteth of his youth had he heard such vile
names for other human beings who did not fit the Aryan
ideal, to hear them repeated here by men with hate in
their eyes and united in purpose made Des shiver.

He went to the Gents; the lager had gone straight
through him. He was just about to zip up his flies
when it happened. He was grabbed and slammed against
the urinals. He tried to struggle but his arms were
pinned by at least two men.

" Who the fuck are you? " asked a voice.

" Who's fucking asking? " snarled Des.

" Cheeky cunt. "

A huge fist slammed into Des's stomach, making him
gasp.

" Who the fuck are you? " repeated the voice.

" Listen, mate. " Des panted. " I just came in for a
pint. No harm done, eh? "

" You're a copper. " hissed a voice and Des was
extremely glad he had just emptied his bladder. " I
can smell the filth a mile away. You might look like a
thug but you're one of them. I know you are."

" You've made a mistake, " insisted Des. He was
calculating the risk of trying to fight his way out of
it. He could probably manage one of them, two at a
push. But not the third.

He was pulled out of the toilets into the main bar
area. Everything went deadly quiet.

" See this man? " said the owner of the terrifying
voice. He was about nine feet tall with a shaven head
and was built like the proverbial brick shithouse.

" He's a copper. And you know what we do with filth
around here. "

The rest of his companions gave a cheer.

" Kick him in, " they chorused.

" Nice work, Mike, " said the bloke to the mousy
little man who had sat in the corner ever since Des
had started drinking there. " Good of you to tell me
there was someone sniffing around."

Des glared at him and the man had the grace to turn
away.

Des tried to protect himself as the blows rained down
on him and the boots kicked into his ribs and back but
he was powerless. A high-pitched scream made them
pause in their abuse. Lisa thought Des groggily. Well,
it's not as if you didn't warn me....

" Leave him alone! " he could hear her shouting.

Then...boots pounding across the dusty carpet. Police
issue, obviously.

Des looked up into Lisa's pretty face.

" Saved me bacon there, love. " he said. There wasn't
a bit of him that didn't ache magnificently. He
watched as Sun Hill's finest dragged his assailants
away.

" You did a wonderful job, " said Lisa and kissed him
deeply.

Over her shoulder, Des saw Reg, saw the pain of
betrayal in his face. Des pushed her gently away.

" Reg!" he yelled. But Reg was gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

In his cold dark living room Reg sat with a large,
untouched glass of whisky in front of him. He was past
the tearful stage, now he was brooding. He knew this
line of thought was dangerous but he couldn't stop it.


He had no right to be upset. He knew what Des was, a
womaniser who just happened to like fucking his
friend. Reg had never expected anything less, not deep
down. What had he expected? That after giving Reg the
most thorough seeing-to he had ever had that Des would
get down on one knee? Hardly. He hadn't expected
fidelity but he //had// hoped for honesty. All his
life, the people he had cared about had left him. His
mother, the mysterious creature who had been forced to
put him and his sister into care for reasons Reg could
only guess at, his absent father of whom Reg had no
memory, only a lingering distaste, Mavis, anyone who
had ever come close to cracking his self-made shell
that protected him from being hurt again.

Then Des had arrived at Sun Hill and Reg had fallen
without a shot being fired. He had most willingly
given his heart and soul without the recipient being
aware of the gift he had been given. Reg knew there
was an unfathomable darkness in Des. It surfaced
sometimes when they were at their most intimate and
Reg went with it, if only to drag Des back from the
edge and happily wore long-sleeved shirts and turned
his collar up to hide the physical evidence of its manifestation.

Reg knew he would never hold him, he had been happy
with what Des was willing to offer him. But not now.

Des had been hurt, in his rage and upset Reg hadn't
been able to tell how much. It didn't matter.

" Let //her// look after him now. " he thought
savagely. He downed the whisky in one and went to bed,
lying there wide-eyed and restless until it was time
to get ready for another day.

He looked at his naked body in the mirror. Almost
Belsen-thin, he could count every rib practically.
What an effort of will it must have been for Des to
even raise a smile at the sight of it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Des was irritated. He had hoped to explain everything
to Reg when Reg came to see him in hospital. But Reg
had never visited. Some of the relief had, as well as
a courtesy visit from the Inspector with Gilmore in
tow. He hadn't been able to stop himself from asking
about Reg.

" Oh, he's transferred onto nights for a while, " she
informed him arily. " By the way, Desmond. When the
thugs who did this to you found out you really
//were// a policeman they sang like canaries. You've
helped lance a very nasty boil on Canley's neck. "

When they left, Des had brooded. If that was the way
Reg wanted it to be, who was he to argue?

In time he returned to work and, eventually, he had
his day in court, his evidence and that of Mike
sending the racists away for a decent stretch.

The following morning, there was to be a special
briefing by the Superintendent and all the relief were
to be there. On the way in, Reg collared him.

" I want my key back, " he said bluntly.

" Reggie babe, if you'd only listen..." Des began,
attempting to touch his erstwhile lover. Reg flinched
as though he had been struck.

" Don't touch me. Give me my key back then fuck off to
see your girlfriend. I must have been mad, swallowing
all that crap about you working overtime on something
you couldn't tell me about. "

Des lost his temper.

" Will you listen to me for one fucking minute? " he
yelled. " It's not what you think. "

Reg snorted in disbelief.

" We'll go in for the briefing, " said Des, breathing
heavily. " If, after that, you still don't believe me
you can have your key and I'll never see you again.
I'll transfer. I know for a fact that cunt Chandler
will be pleased to see the back of me. "

In silence they took their places in the briefing
room. The Super was there and, to Reg's horror, so was
Des's girlfriend.

" Good morning, everyone. " said Chandler smoothly. "
May I introduce DI Lisa Morgan from Scotland Yard.
We're here this morning because, due to the sterling
undercover work carried out by PC Taviner..." Reg shot
Des a look. Des was enjoying hearing Chandler sing his
praises. He wondered if the sanctimonious prick had
his fingers crossed behind his back.

Chandler gave the relief the details of the racist
cell Des had helped burst wide open with the help of
the DI and concluded with the news that he was putting
Des forward for a commendation.

Everyone applauded and Sergeant Gilmore was left to
get on with the normal briefing. He paired Des and Reg
off in the area car, gave everyone a few pointers as
to what to look out for and dismissed them.

" Well? " asked Des.

" Des, I..."

" Just a minute. Ma'am? " He called out to DI Morgan.

" Yes, Des. " she asked, wondering who the older man
was that Des had his arm so possessively round.

" This is Reg Hollis. He's madly curious, ma'am. "

" About what? "

" About whether you and I are shagging each other. "

The revolted look on her face said it all.

" Not that it's any business of yours, PC Hollis, but
no. I've //got// a husband, thanks. Why the curiosity?"

Before Reg could come up with a suitable reply, Des interrupted.

" He's me fella. Now if you were to answer a call and
find your old man being kissed by a beauty like you,
what would you think? "

She looked astounded.

" You and him...I had no idea. We had to work
together, Reg. That's all. I'm so sorry if you got the
wrong idea but both Inspector Gold and I told Des to
keep what he was doing as quiet as possible. And I
kissed him because it was part of the cover. Does that
answer everything? "

" Er, yes. Thank you ma'am. " said Reg.

" That's okay. Des, " she said, extending her hand to
be shaken, " It's been a pleasure. "

" Likewise, " said Des.

Lisa Morgan watched the two men walk off down the
corridor, Des with his arm round Reg's shoulders as if frightened
the other man would blow away and smiled to herself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

At the end of the shift they returned to Reg's house
and Des locked the door firmly behind him. In the
living room he pulled Reg to him.

" I'm sorry, mate, " he whispered. Reg buried his face
in Des's neck and Des tightened his embrace. Only when
he had come so close to losing him did he realise what
Reg meant to him.

" I'm sorry I ever doubted you, " murmured Reg.

" How could I throw you over for the likes of 'er, eh?
" asked Des, holding Reg at arms length. " I know in
the past I've only ever been faithful to the Reds but
you're different. I don't want to keep hiding you
away, Reggie babe. I want everyone to know about you
and me. Oh, hey. "

Silent tears were coursing down Reg's cheeks and when
Des held him close again Reg began to sob piteously,
his hands clenching and unclenching on the soft
material of Des's T-shirt.

" If that's not what you want..." began Des.

" Of course it is. I thought I'd lost you. I
thought...."

" No chance, mate. " said Des firmly. " From now on,
it's just us, okay? "

Reg nodded damply, wiping his eyes on the back of his
hand.

Later they went to bed. Des spooned up behind Reg and
put his arm round him, Reg's fingers twining with his
own. Exhausted with what had been said and what still
needed to be said, they slept. At some point during
the night they found each other and made long, slow
tender love, an act full of rekindled passion and
forgiveness.


The harsh blare of the alarm clock didn't permeate
their exhaustion, nor did the persistent ringing of
the house phone and both sets of mobiles. A thunderous
knocking on the front door made Reg stir. Des stirred
fitfully as Reg climbed out of bed and pulled on his
dressing gown.

" Bit early for Jehovah's Witnesses, " he said as he
walked down the stairs. " All right, " he roared. "
Don't knock the bloody door down. "

He opened it a crack to find Sergeant Gilmore
glowering on the doorstep. He stepped aside to let him
in.

" Do you realise you were supposed to be at work three
hours ago? " thundered Gilmore. He looked absolutely
furious.

Reg glanced at the clock in the hall and groaned.

" Sorry, Sarge. " said a voice. Des had joined them
wearing only his underwear. " Looks like we overslept.
"

Gilmore was not amused. Even if he'd had his sense of
smell removed he wouldn't have had to be Sherlock
Holmes to work out what had gone on between the two of
them.

" I might have to make this a disciplinary matter.
You've both been in the job long enough, don't you
have a working alarm clock between you? "

" Mustn't have set it properly, " muttered Des putting
a proprietal arm around Reg and drawing him close. It
was a loving gesture that even Craig Gilmore couldn't
mistake. " We'll be back tomorrow. "

" Tomorrow? " he spluttered. " I need you both at work
now. "

" It'll have to wait, " said Des, ushering him gently
but firmly out of the door.

" We're all right. Panic over. See you tomorrow. " and
he closed the door.

Reg looked thunderstruck.

" Have you seen the time? We're going to be in so much
trouble. Gilmore will tell //everyone// what he's just
seen..."

Des quietened him with a kiss.

" The inspector owes me more than one, Reggie babe.
Let's just forget about work, eh? Work got us together
but it damned near made me lose you. Forget it. For
today at least. "

Smiling, Reg drew him close.


The End

20/3/03