JASMINE ALLEY: THE BILL SLASH FICTION

Jasmine Alley : The Lockup : Claire : Trick or Treat

TITLE:        Trick or Treat
AUTHOR:       Claire
PAIRING:      Not Telling...
RATING:       PG-13, Humour
DISCLAIMERS:  Don't own 'em, Thames Television does...
FEEDBACK:     Would be nice...

This was first posted to the Britslash list last week in response to the
Halloween challenge so I apologise to anyone who gets it twice.  It has,
however, been amended to include a bit of gratuitous Garfield-bashing (I
can't help myself...).

It hasn't been beta'd - so al teh erra's are myne...


Ciao

Claire (feedback to Charlton@cobweb.com.au)


-----------------------
Trick or Treat
by Claire
-----------------------

~A Living Room Somewhere~

"I've changed my mind.  I'm not going to do it."

"You *have* to do it."

"I don't *have* to do anything, besides I'm a senior officer to you and you
can't *make* me."

"You are not senior to me when you are in my house.  Anyway, it was fair
bet.  I can't help it if you are a sore loser."

"I am not a *sore* loser and I reckon you rigged it."

"*Rigged* it?  Oh yeah, definitely.  I *made* the CPS drop the case.  I
*wanted* the little toe-rag to get away with it.  Good one..."

"Okay, so maybe you didn't rig it, but still...I really don't want to do
this..."

"You're pathetic you know that?  If you had won you would be gloating until
the cows come home."

"What cows?"

"Don't be smart.  As I was saying - before you rudely interrupted me - you
would be gloating if I had lost and I know you wouldn't let me wriggle out
of it, so get a move on and put it on."

-- the sound of a plastic bag being opened breaks the silence --

"No way.  You have got to be joking."

"Do I look like I'm joking?  Shut up and put it on."

"But...but, I thought it would be the '90's one..."

"You thought wrong didn't you?"

"But I'll look *ridiculous*!"

"Tsk.  I hate to tell you this, but you would have looked more ridiculous
in the '90's one.  You're too short for one thing."

"I am beginning to hate you..."

"No you're not.  Now don't you look *delightful*?  Red, green and yellow
and with your hair too.  What a picture.  Speaking of which...where is the
camera?"

"Don't you dare!"

"Spoilsport.  Oh well then, let's get it over with.  Come on..."

"Hang on.  I've got a new idea.  What if I wear a trenchcoat over it and
just *flash* people?"

"No go.  The bet was you have to wear the costume and go through the
section-house Trick-or-Treating.  Not to *flash* people."

"I really am beginning to despise you."

"Can't say I'm too concerned hearing this coming from a man who is wearing
his underpants over a pair of *tights*.  Come on Boy Wonder, to the
Batmobile!"

"Fuck off, Bat-Creep."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~The Same Living Room - 60 Minutes Later~

"See, it wasn't that bad, was it?"

"It's all right for you.  You didn't come in with me.  You didn't see the
*looks* I got.  I doubt that they'll ever respect me again."

"I doubt they respected you in the first place, but please, do tell of your
escapades Boy Wonder."

"Call me *Boy Wonder* one more time and I am going to garrote you with my
cape."

"It's true what they say about red heads and temper isn't it?...hey...look
it was a joke...please sit back down and just tell me."

"Well, the first door I knocked on was Reg Hollis'.  He was so surprised
that he dropped the little red caboose that he was holding."

"Did he give you anything?"

"What?"

"You know, trick or treat and all that...you were supposed to get things
off them."

"Oh.  Ooops. Forgot that part of it.  Besides everybody was so stunned that
I don't think they were capable of rational thought.  The next door I
knocked on was opened by Dave Quinnan...and I don't know who was more
surprised there...me or him..."

"What do you mean?"

"Well...standing behind him was Tony Stamp and they...um...seemed to be in
the middle of their own Halloween festivities..."

"Oooh.  Do tell..."

"Maybe later.  I've only just got the image out of my head, needless to say
I will never be able to look at Luke and Han out of Star Wars the same
again.  Anyway worse was to come..."

"What could possibly be worse than Dave and Tony playing hide the
lightsaber?"

"I have one word for you.  Garfield."

"Oh.  I don't think I want to know, but, hang on, I agreed that you didn't
have to deal with him."

"Believe me, I wasn't going to but as I was sneaking past his door I smelt
this revolting stench..."

"Well you know Garfield doesn't know that such a thing as a deodorant
exists..."

"No, it was different to his usual odour.  It was more like a *burning
flesh* smell and this *yelping* sound seemed to be coming from the room
too.  Curiosity got the better of me and upon discovering that his door was
unlocked I just had to peer in."  [pause]  "I think what I saw will remain
with me for the rest of my life..."

"Come on, come on.  The suspense is killing me, what did you see?"

"A naked Garfield and hot wax..."

"Kinky!"

"No.  Hot wax for hair removal.  He was *waxing* his chest."

"How revolting."

"You're telling me.  You didn't have to see it.  I quickly shut the door
and that was about as exciting as it got.  The usual response was tears of
laughter and a few smart-arse's asked me where Batman was or did I know
that underpants are supposed to be worn *under* clothing."

"Is that all?  How dull."

"The only other notable response I got was that Steve Loxton actually
smiled a smile that reached his eyes.  I didn't think he was capable of
it."

"So, at least you achieved something.  You made Steve smile."

"I'm sure I could have made him smile in other ways."

"You think?  So do you reckon we should invite him over to *play*?  I bet
he would look good dressed as the Riddler."

"Nah.  Catwoman.  Perfect body for black latex..."

"Oooh.  What an image."

[pout]

"Are you saying that you would prefer him to me?"

"Never.  He could never be Robin to my Batman."

"If you're sure...anyway that was it.  My time as Robin running around the
Sun Hill section-house, I suppose I should be grateful to you for letting
me have the *experience*."

"Come on John, it wasn't too bad was it?"

"That's DS Boulton to you, Rodney."

"Don't be cranky.  If you're cranky I won't show you the *treat* I have for
you."

"Treat?  What treat?"

"Are you in a better mood?"

"Yes, yes.  Come on...show me."

"To the Bat-Bedroom then..."

[silence]

"Holy whipped cream Batman!"

"Exactly, Bat-Boy, exactly."

~end~


	Jasmine Alley : The Lockup : Claire : Trick or Treat
		TITLE: Trick or Treat AUTHOR: Claire PAIRING: Not Telling... RATING: PG-13, Humour DISCLAIMERS: Don't own 'em, Thames Television does... FEEDBACK: Would be nice... This was first posted to the Britslash list last week in response to the Halloween challenge so I apologise to anyone who gets it twice. It has, however, been amended to include a bit of gratuitous Garfield-bashing (I can't help myself...). It hasn't been beta'd - so al teh erra's are myne... Ciao Claire (feedback to Charlton@cobweb.com.au) ----------------------- Trick or Treat by Claire ----------------------- ~A Living Room Somewhere~ "I've changed my mind. I'm not going to do it." "You have to do it." "I don't have to do anything, besides I'm a senior officer to you and you can't make me." "You are not senior to me when you are in my house. Anyway, it was fair bet. I can't help it if you are a sore loser." "I am not a sore loser and I reckon you rigged it." "Rigged it? Oh yeah, definitely. I made the CPS drop the case. I wanted the little toe-rag to get away with it. Good one..." "Okay, so maybe you didn't rig it, but still...I really don't want to do this..." "You're pathetic you know that? If you had won you would be gloating until the cows come home." "What cows?" "Don't be smart. As I was saying - before you rudely interrupted me - you would be gloating if I had lost and I know you wouldn't let me wriggle out of it, so get a move on and put it on." -- the sound of a plastic bag being opened breaks the silence -- "No way. You have got to be joking." "Do I look like I'm joking? Shut up and put it on." "But...but, I thought it would be the '90's one..." "You thought wrong didn't you?" "But I'll look ridiculous!" "Tsk. I hate to tell you this, but you would have looked more ridiculous in the '90's one. You're too short for one thing." "I am beginning to hate you..." "No you're not. Now don't you look delightful? Red, green and yellow and with your hair too. What a picture. Speaking of which...where is the camera?" "Don't you dare!" "Spoilsport. Oh well then, let's get it over with. Come on..." "Hang on. I've got a new idea. What if I wear a trenchcoat over it and just flash people?" "No go. The bet was you have to wear the costume and go through the section-house Trick-or-Treating. Not to flash people." "I really am beginning to despise you." "Can't say I'm too concerned hearing this coming from a man who is wearing his underpants over a pair of tights. Come on Boy Wonder, to the Batmobile!" "Fuck off, Bat-Creep." ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~The Same Living Room - 60 Minutes Later~ "See, it wasn't that bad, was it?" "It's all right for you. You didn't come in with me. You didn't see the looks I got. I doubt that they'll ever respect me again." "I doubt they respected you in the first place, but please, do tell of your escapades Boy Wonder." "Call me Boy Wonder one more time and I am going to garrote you with my cape." "It's true what they say about red heads and temper isn't it?...hey...look it was a joke...please sit back down and just tell me." "Well, the first door I knocked on was Reg Hollis'. He was so surprised that he dropped the little red caboose that he was holding." "Did he give you anything?" "What?" "You know, trick or treat and all that...you were supposed to get things off them." "Oh. Ooops. Forgot that part of it. Besides everybody was so stunned that I don't think they were capable of rational thought. The next door I knocked on was opened by Dave Quinnan...and I don't know who was more surprised there...me or him..." "What do you mean?" "Well...standing behind him was Tony Stamp and they...um...seemed to be in the middle of their own Halloween festivities..." "Oooh. Do tell..." "Maybe later. I've only just got the image out of my head, needless to say I will never be able to look at Luke and Han out of Star Wars the same again. Anyway worse was to come..." "What could possibly be worse than Dave and Tony playing hide the lightsaber?" "I have one word for you. Garfield." "Oh. I don't think I want to know, but, hang on, I agreed that you didn't have to deal with him." "Believe me, I wasn't going to but as I was sneaking past his door I smelt this revolting stench..." "Well you know Garfield doesn't know that such a thing as a deodorant exists..." "No, it was different to his usual odour. It was more like a burning flesh smell and this yelping sound seemed to be coming from the room too. Curiosity got the better of me and upon discovering that his door was unlocked I just had to peer in." [pause] "I think what I saw will remain with me for the rest of my life..." "Come on, come on. The suspense is killing me, what did you see?" "A naked Garfield and hot wax..." "Kinky!" "No. Hot wax for hair removal. He was waxing his chest." "How revolting." "You're telling me. You didn't have to see it. I quickly shut the door and that was about as exciting as it got. The usual response was tears of laughter and a few smart-arse's asked me where Batman was or did I know that underpants are supposed to be worn under clothing." "Is that all? How dull." "The only other notable response I got was that Steve Loxton actually smiled a smile that reached his eyes. I didn't think he was capable of it." "So, at least you achieved something. You made Steve smile." "I'm sure I could have made him smile in other ways." "You think? So do you reckon we should invite him over to play? I bet he would look good dressed as the Riddler." "Nah. Catwoman. Perfect body for black latex..." "Oooh. What an image." [pout] "Are you saying that you would prefer him to me?" "Never. He could never be Robin to my Batman." "If you're sure...anyway that was it. My time as Robin running around the Sun Hill section-house, I suppose I should be grateful to you for letting me have the experience." "Come on John, it wasn't too bad was it?" "That's DS Boulton to you, Rodney." "Don't be cranky. If you're cranky I won't show you the treat I have for you." "Treat? What treat?" "Are you in a better mood?" "Yes, yes. Come on...show me." "To the Bat-Bedroom then..." [silence] "Holy whipped cream Batman!" "Exactly, Bat-Boy, exactly." ~end~

(c) Watching Since Woodentop 1996-2007