JASMINE ALLEY: THE BILL SLASH FICTION

Jasmine Alley : The Lockup : Claire : Fund Raising

Greetings,

Here is a story that I wrote.  Don't get too excited though because it is
Slash Free, although I am hoping that it offers some pretty(?) images if
you care to visualise them.  Please also note that this is the first
attempt I have made at writing a story since finishing school, so it may be
dreadful!

Anyway, I hope you like it and would really, really appreciate feedback
(even if it is along the lines of, "If you ever go near a pen or keyboard
again I will find someone, somewhere to break your fingers".  As you can
gather, I don't have high hopes for my writing skills!

Oh well, here goes............

TITLE:  Fund Raising
RATING:  PG-13 (H)
AUTHOR:  Claire

DISCLAIMERS:  I don't own any of these characters, Thames Television does,
which is unfortunate because I would ensure that Reg's fantasy became a
reality!  Also, the opinions expressed by Reg in regard to his colleagues
are his, not necessarily mine.

FUND RAISING

The canteen was about half full and rather noisy as Reg Hollis stood, cup
or tea in hand, scanning the room for the best place to sit.  He was about
to head over to one of the empty tables near the door, when he stopped at
the sound of his name being shouted out across the canteen by George
Garfield, "Reg, Oi Reg!, over here!, come sit with us."  Hollis was
immediately suspicious as to what Garfield's motives were for wanting him
over there, but as by now the entire canteen was looking at him he had no
choice but to head over to the table where Garfield, Tony Stamp, Dave
Quinnan and Polly Page were seated.

"Here Reg, take a seat," Garfield said, pointing to the empty chair between
Page and Quinnan.  "What do I owe this unexpected honor for George?" Hollis
asked, the suspicion evident in his voice as he put his tea on the table
and settled himself into the chair.  "Oh, come on Reg, does there have to
be a reason?, maybe George just enjoys your company," Quinnan's voice this
time, attempting to be amusing as usual.  And failing as usual, Hollis
thought, his interest well and truly roused by now, maybe Garfield did
actually want to know something.  "Come on George, spit it out," Page said
as she put down her cup and looked from Garfield to Hollis and back again.
"Yeah, come on, I wanna know why you called Hollis over here too," said
Stamp, the curiosity evident in his voice.

"God, you lot a dense," Garfield sighed, "It's what we were just talking
about.  Brownlow's bloody stupid fundraising idea, you know, it's what I
suspect everybody's been talking about all morning.  I just wanted to hear
what brilliant idea Reg has come up with."  Garfield paused, allowing the
sarcasm to sink in before starting again, "I thought Reg might like us all
to participate in some sort of Trainspotting activity, you know, like a
read-a-thon," "Only this could be a train-spot-a-thon," Quinnan chipped in,
"Brilliant idea George."

Hollis was well aware of the sarcasm being directed at him and his hobby,
in fact that was nothing new, but he didn't much care.  "Fund-raiser?, What
fund-raiser?," he heard himself saying, "I have no idea what you're all
talking about."  "Come on Reg, you must know, you can't simply forget an
idea like this," started Stamp, "Remember at parade this morning we were
blessed with the presence of the Almighty Brownlow?  He descended from his
lofty position above our heads to share with us his latest vision, and for
that we must all of course be eternally grateful!  How can you forget that!
 Pompous Git that he is," Stamp finished now, entirely missing the point of
Reg's question..  "No, look, don't you remember?, I missed parade, my alarm
clock didn't go off and I was late and then I've been in court all
morning,"  Reg said, ignoring the pleading tone that had entered his voice
as he spoke, "I really want to know, what fundraising does Brownlow want
done?"

"Oh yeah, that's right Reg, you weren't there," Polly answered taking pity
on him. "The Resident's Committee of the Jasmine Allen are fundraising in
order to build some sort of creche on the estate and they have some how
convinced Brownlow to help."

"And the whole idea is bollocks.  Complete and utter bollocks," another
voice added, heralding the arrival of Steve Loxton.  "I would rather give
up an entire weekend, wear an anorak and count trains with Hollis then give
two pence to that hole," he continued as he settled into the chair opposite
Reg.  "I take it that you're not for the idea then Steve?"  "Very good
Dave.  Don't let anyone ever tell you that you're not observant," Loxton
paused to take a mouthful of his tea, "No, don't get me wrong, I did
actually put some thought into it, and as it happens I have come up with
the perfect money making idea."  "Well, share it with us.  Come on.  Don't
deprive us for a moment longer," Page couldn't help herself.  This was sure
to be good.
"It's perfect.  We impose a ten percent tax on the profit every drug
dealer, blagger and tom on the estate and they'll get their bloody creche
in less then a week!" Loxton finished triumphantly to sounds of generalised
laughter and agreement from the rest of the table.  "I don't think its what
Brownlow had in mind," Garfield said, laughing, "But I like it!"

Hollis didn't hear a word of this.  He was too busy thinking, A
Fund-raiser!, How exciting!.  The possibilities were endless, and then it
came to him!.  "I know!, I've got the most perfect idea!" he started, not
caring that he interrupted Loxton as the other officer shared his preferred
option for the Jasmine Allen. That is, digging a moat around the entire
place and leaving the inhabitants in there to rot.  "A musical!  We could
put on a musical!  Not a panto, but a proper musical.  Wouldn't that be
brilliant?!"  Reg's outburst was met with momentary silence, even Loxton
was so horrified by the prospect of it that he forgot that Hollis had
interrupted him.

"A musical?"  "You've got to be joking!"  "What do we look like?, Gilbert
and fucking Sullivan".

And so it started, the voices all clambering to be heard, all denouncing
the idea, then all offering comments aimed at  Reg, questioning everything
from his sanity to his manhood.

Garfield sat there while all this was occurring with a self satisfied smirk
on his face.  He knew that Hollis would come up with a hare brained idea,
that was why he had invited him over in the first place.  But this, this
was brilliant!.  It surpassed even Garfield's greatest expectations.

It took Page to attempt to calm them down, "Aw, look, maybe it's not that
bad of an idea," but even she found it hard to sound convincing, and then
she too lost it when she heard Quinnan say, "Maybe Hollis sees Sunhill nick
being the next Lloyd Webber of the world, Phantom of the Opera here we
come!"  "Excellent suggestion Dave," Polly found herself saying through
near tears of  laughter, "You'd all look better in a mask!"

Fortunately Reg wasn't really hearing any of this, he was too lost in his
own little world of possibilities.  Although he accepted that obviously his
idea of a musical wasn't going to occur, his colleagues were apparently too
uneducated to even consider the idea, it didn't mean that he couldn't plan
the whole thing in his head.  Really the idea was just to delicious to drop
like that, just because it wouldn't eventuate didn't mean that it couldn't
be planned hypothetically.

Hollis started to daydream......................

Now, what would be the perfect musical?.  Hollis tried to think of others,
honestly he really tried hard, but nothing could stop him from reverting to
his own personal favourite musical of all time.  The Rocky Horror Picture
Show!.  Too perfect!  He could just imagine all his colleagues done up in
costume.  Maybe subconsciously Hollis wanted to get back at them for years
of derision, but if questioned he would have quickly disagreed, he simply
loved Rocky Horror, always had.  In fact he'd lost count of the times he
had seen it, the movie version always remaining his favourite.  He
particularly didn't like the current stage version with that drug fucked
Australian in the lead role, it just wasn't right.  The version he was
about to come up with would be a hundred times better!.  He quickly ran
through the cast of characters in his head, coming up with a total of ten
main characters.  Now getting to the fun part, choosing the right person to
perform the parts!  Where to start?  It really was too delicious.  Oh well,
as it was all to confusing to do any other way, he'd just have to start at
the beginning of the movie version and work from there.

Lets think...................

Brad.  The wholesome American jock.  Perhaps the ultimate nerd.  Who'd be
perfect to play him?  Slater, Perfect!.  Nick Slater, gullible and over
enthusiastic, which leads us to his perfect pair...

Janet.  Debbie Keane.  Again perfect.  Wholesome, goody two shoes.  Even
Reg had to admit she kept her nose too clean.  They'd be brilliant
together.

Now, who is next?, Ah, thats right.

The Narrator.  A respected criminologist.  Perhaps the sanest and most
refined role of the whole thing.  Keeps his clothes on too.  Therefore it
would be nice to have at least one authority figure in it, so the role
would have to go to Inspector Monroe.

Riff Raff.  Ugly, disturbed individual who appears to have an unhealthy
desire for his sister.  Absolutely perfect for Dave Quinnan.

Magenta.  Female counterpart to Riff Raff, only with worse hair.  Therefore
it was a pity that Reg couldn't think of a WPC to play her, but Suzie Croft
had the right hair, so she'd have to do.

Columbia.  Small and funny voiced.  Polly Page would be perfect.

Now the ultimate character.  Frank N Furter.  God!, who at Sunhill could
play him?.  This really had Reg stumped, he just couldn't think.

Hollis was so caught up in his daydream that he hadn't even noticed that
Stamp had left the table with the comment, "Look at Reg, I suspect he
pictures himself as Jesus Christ Superstar," only to have his seat taken by
Gary McCann, or that Loxton had gone to get another cup of tea.

Frank N Furter?  He was stuck now.  Did not have a clue, and then "thud" he
was momentarily woken from his daydream by a cup of tea being placed
unceremoniously on the table in front of him.

Reg looked up from the spot in the middle of the table that his eyes had
been fixated on for the last few minutes only to find himself looking up
and down (and up and down!) the slim form of Loxton as he was about to
reseat himself.  Loxton finished settling and stared at Hollis with the
look of equal parts bemusement, horror and disgust that he reserved for
victims of domestic violence who stayed with the perpetrator and Hollis.
Once Hollis had (finally) looked away Loxton was able to rid himself of the
discomforting thought that Reg had been mentally undressing him and made a
mental note to avoid Hollis in the locker room for a while.  Aaargh!, it
didn't bear thinking about.
Reg wasn't even aware that he had been staring and slowly looked back to
the spot in the middle of the table.  Perfect!  Oh God, simply too perfect.
 Loxton as Frank N Furter!  It took all of Hollis' self control not to
laugh out loud as he pictured Steve in costume.  The stiletto's, the fish
nets, the feather boa!  Oh God, it was just too delightful to imagine.  The
body was just too perfect!  How could he have nearly missed it?

Hollis had to force himself to continue his cast list as the picture of
Loxton as the "Sweet Transvestite" kept popping into his mind.

Now, where was he up to.  Got it!.  Thats right, he was up to:

Rocky.  Reg had to concede that nobody had the right physique for Rocky so
he'd just have to settle for someone like Mike Jarvis.  Not perfect, but
Jarvis thought he was pretty darn good, so he'd have to do.

Eddie.  No question there.  Garfield.  George Garfield would do fine. Brutish and thick
(necked!)  No acting skills required.

And last but not least.

Dr Scott.  Wheelchair bound, Brad's mentor, pseudo intellectual.  Tony
Stamp would be, yep, you guessed it, perfect.

There!  Finished the casting.  Reg was incredibly pleased with himself,
particularly when the image of Frank N Furter flashed yet again into his
mind.  such a pity his dream would never be realised.  An utter tragedy
actually.

"Oi Reg, Reg!, what are you thinking about?, you look a million miles
away," McCann's voice broke into Reg's daydream, shattering it well and
truly.  Hollis felt himself going red in the face, if only they knew what
he had been thinking!.  "Um," Reg stuttered, "the fund-raiser, I was just
thinking of an idea for the fund-raiser, you know, maybe we ought to wash
cars."  Hollis quickly finished, glancing at his watch as he hurriedly got
up from the table, "Gee, is that the time?, I'm due back in court in
fifteen minutes, gotta go, catch you later."  And with that Hollis
hurriedly departed the canteen.

"Did you see the look on Hollis' face?," McCann addressed the remaining
officers at the table, "If thats what he looks like when thinking about
washing cars," " I'd hate to think what he looks like when thinking about
trains," Quinnan finished for him.

End.


	Jasmine Alley : The Lockup : Claire : Fund Raising
		Greetings, Here is a story that I wrote. Don't get too excited though because it is Slash Free, although I am hoping that it offers some pretty(?) images if you care to visualise them. Please also note that this is the first attempt I have made at writing a story since finishing school, so it may be dreadful! Anyway, I hope you like it and would really, really appreciate feedback (even if it is along the lines of, "If you ever go near a pen or keyboard again I will find someone, somewhere to break your fingers". As you can gather, I don't have high hopes for my writing skills! Oh well, here goes............ TITLE: Fund Raising RATING: PG-13 (H) AUTHOR: Claire DISCLAIMERS: I don't own any of these characters, Thames Television does, which is unfortunate because I would ensure that Reg's fantasy became a reality! Also, the opinions expressed by Reg in regard to his colleagues are his, not necessarily mine. FUND RAISING The canteen was about half full and rather noisy as Reg Hollis stood, cup or tea in hand, scanning the room for the best place to sit. He was about to head over to one of the empty tables near the door, when he stopped at the sound of his name being shouted out across the canteen by George Garfield, "Reg, Oi Reg!, over here!, come sit with us." Hollis was immediately suspicious as to what Garfield's motives were for wanting him over there, but as by now the entire canteen was looking at him he had no choice but to head over to the table where Garfield, Tony Stamp, Dave Quinnan and Polly Page were seated. "Here Reg, take a seat," Garfield said, pointing to the empty chair between Page and Quinnan. "What do I owe this unexpected honor for George?" Hollis asked, the suspicion evident in his voice as he put his tea on the table and settled himself into the chair. "Oh, come on Reg, does there have to be a reason?, maybe George just enjoys your company," Quinnan's voice this time, attempting to be amusing as usual. And failing as usual, Hollis thought, his interest well and truly roused by now, maybe Garfield did actually want to know something. "Come on George, spit it out," Page said as she put down her cup and looked from Garfield to Hollis and back again. "Yeah, come on, I wanna know why you called Hollis over here too," said Stamp, the curiosity evident in his voice. "God, you lot a dense," Garfield sighed, "It's what we were just talking about. Brownlow's bloody stupid fundraising idea, you know, it's what I suspect everybody's been talking about all morning. I just wanted to hear what brilliant idea Reg has come up with." Garfield paused, allowing the sarcasm to sink in before starting again, "I thought Reg might like us all to participate in some sort of Trainspotting activity, you know, like a read-a-thon," "Only this could be a train-spot-a-thon," Quinnan chipped in, "Brilliant idea George." Hollis was well aware of the sarcasm being directed at him and his hobby, in fact that was nothing new, but he didn't much care. "Fund-raiser?, What fund-raiser?," he heard himself saying, "I have no idea what you're all talking about." "Come on Reg, you must know, you can't simply forget an idea like this," started Stamp, "Remember at parade this morning we were blessed with the presence of the Almighty Brownlow? He descended from his lofty position above our heads to share with us his latest vision, and for that we must all of course be eternally grateful! How can you forget that! Pompous Git that he is," Stamp finished now, entirely missing the point of Reg's question.. "No, look, don't you remember?, I missed parade, my alarm clock didn't go off and I was late and then I've been in court all morning," Reg said, ignoring the pleading tone that had entered his voice as he spoke, "I really want to know, what fundraising does Brownlow want done?" "Oh yeah, that's right Reg, you weren't there," Polly answered taking pity on him. "The Resident's Committee of the Jasmine Allen are fundraising in order to build some sort of creche on the estate and they have some how convinced Brownlow to help." "And the whole idea is bollocks. Complete and utter bollocks," another voice added, heralding the arrival of Steve Loxton. "I would rather give up an entire weekend, wear an anorak and count trains with Hollis then give two pence to that hole," he continued as he settled into the chair opposite Reg. "I take it that you're not for the idea then Steve?" "Very good Dave. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you're not observant," Loxton paused to take a mouthful of his tea, "No, don't get me wrong, I did actually put some thought into it, and as it happens I have come up with the perfect money making idea." "Well, share it with us. Come on. Don't deprive us for a moment longer," Page couldn't help herself. This was sure to be good. "It's perfect. We impose a ten percent tax on the profit every drug dealer, blagger and tom on the estate and they'll get their bloody creche in less then a week!" Loxton finished triumphantly to sounds of generalised laughter and agreement from the rest of the table. "I don't think its what Brownlow had in mind," Garfield said, laughing, "But I like it!" Hollis didn't hear a word of this. He was too busy thinking, A Fund-raiser!, How exciting!. The possibilities were endless, and then it came to him!. "I know!, I've got the most perfect idea!" he started, not caring that he interrupted Loxton as the other officer shared his preferred option for the Jasmine Allen. That is, digging a moat around the entire place and leaving the inhabitants in there to rot. "A musical! We could put on a musical! Not a panto, but a proper musical. Wouldn't that be brilliant?!" Reg's outburst was met with momentary silence, even Loxton was so horrified by the prospect of it that he forgot that Hollis had interrupted him. "A musical?" "You've got to be joking!" "What do we look like?, Gilbert and fucking Sullivan". And so it started, the voices all clambering to be heard, all denouncing the idea, then all offering comments aimed at Reg, questioning everything from his sanity to his manhood. Garfield sat there while all this was occurring with a self satisfied smirk on his face. He knew that Hollis would come up with a hare brained idea, that was why he had invited him over in the first place. But this, this was brilliant!. It surpassed even Garfield's greatest expectations. It took Page to attempt to calm them down, "Aw, look, maybe it's not that bad of an idea," but even she found it hard to sound convincing, and then she too lost it when she heard Quinnan say, "Maybe Hollis sees Sunhill nick being the next Lloyd Webber of the world, Phantom of the Opera here we come!" "Excellent suggestion Dave," Polly found herself saying through near tears of laughter, "You'd all look better in a mask!" Fortunately Reg wasn't really hearing any of this, he was too lost in his own little world of possibilities. Although he accepted that obviously his idea of a musical wasn't going to occur, his colleagues were apparently too uneducated to even consider the idea, it didn't mean that he couldn't plan the whole thing in his head. Really the idea was just to delicious to drop like that, just because it wouldn't eventuate didn't mean that it couldn't be planned hypothetically. Hollis started to daydream...................... Now, what would be the perfect musical?. Hollis tried to think of others, honestly he really tried hard, but nothing could stop him from reverting to his own personal favourite musical of all time. The Rocky Horror Picture Show!. Too perfect! He could just imagine all his colleagues done up in costume. Maybe subconsciously Hollis wanted to get back at them for years of derision, but if questioned he would have quickly disagreed, he simply loved Rocky Horror, always had. In fact he'd lost count of the times he had seen it, the movie version always remaining his favourite. He particularly didn't like the current stage version with that drug fucked Australian in the lead role, it just wasn't right. The version he was about to come up with would be a hundred times better!. He quickly ran through the cast of characters in his head, coming up with a total of ten main characters. Now getting to the fun part, choosing the right person to perform the parts! Where to start? It really was too delicious. Oh well, as it was all to confusing to do any other way, he'd just have to start at the beginning of the movie version and work from there. Lets think................... Brad. The wholesome American jock. Perhaps the ultimate nerd. Who'd be perfect to play him? Slater, Perfect!. Nick Slater, gullible and over enthusiastic, which leads us to his perfect pair... Janet. Debbie Keane. Again perfect. Wholesome, goody two shoes. Even Reg had to admit she kept her nose too clean. They'd be brilliant together. Now, who is next?, Ah, thats right. The Narrator. A respected criminologist. Perhaps the sanest and most refined role of the whole thing. Keeps his clothes on too. Therefore it would be nice to have at least one authority figure in it, so the role would have to go to Inspector Monroe. Riff Raff. Ugly, disturbed individual who appears to have an unhealthy desire for his sister. Absolutely perfect for Dave Quinnan. Magenta. Female counterpart to Riff Raff, only with worse hair. Therefore it was a pity that Reg couldn't think of a WPC to play her, but Suzie Croft had the right hair, so she'd have to do. Columbia. Small and funny voiced. Polly Page would be perfect. Now the ultimate character. Frank N Furter. God!, who at Sunhill could play him?. This really had Reg stumped, he just couldn't think. Hollis was so caught up in his daydream that he hadn't even noticed that Stamp had left the table with the comment, "Look at Reg, I suspect he pictures himself as Jesus Christ Superstar," only to have his seat taken by Gary McCann, or that Loxton had gone to get another cup of tea. Frank N Furter? He was stuck now. Did not have a clue, and then "thud" he was momentarily woken from his daydream by a cup of tea being placed unceremoniously on the table in front of him. Reg looked up from the spot in the middle of the table that his eyes had been fixated on for the last few minutes only to find himself looking up and down (and up and down!) the slim form of Loxton as he was about to reseat himself. Loxton finished settling and stared at Hollis with the look of equal parts bemusement, horror and disgust that he reserved for victims of domestic violence who stayed with the perpetrator and Hollis. Once Hollis had (finally) looked away Loxton was able to rid himself of the discomforting thought that Reg had been mentally undressing him and made a mental note to avoid Hollis in the locker room for a while. Aaargh!, it didn't bear thinking about. Reg wasn't even aware that he had been staring and slowly looked back to the spot in the middle of the table. Perfect! Oh God, simply too perfect. Loxton as Frank N Furter! It took all of Hollis' self control not to laugh out loud as he pictured Steve in costume. The stiletto's, the fish nets, the feather boa! Oh God, it was just too delightful to imagine. The body was just too perfect! How could he have nearly missed it? Hollis had to force himself to continue his cast list as the picture of Loxton as the "Sweet Transvestite" kept popping into his mind. Now, where was he up to. Got it!. Thats right, he was up to: Rocky. Reg had to concede that nobody had the right physique for Rocky so he'd just have to settle for someone like Mike Jarvis. Not perfect, but Jarvis thought he was pretty darn good, so he'd have to do. Eddie. No question there. Garfield. George Garfield would do fine. Brutish and thick (necked!) No acting skills required. And last but not least. Dr Scott. Wheelchair bound, Brad's mentor, pseudo intellectual. Tony Stamp would be, yep, you guessed it, perfect. There! Finished the casting. Reg was incredibly pleased with himself, particularly when the image of Frank N Furter flashed yet again into his mind. such a pity his dream would never be realised. An utter tragedy actually. "Oi Reg, Reg!, what are you thinking about?, you look a million miles away," McCann's voice broke into Reg's daydream, shattering it well and truly. Hollis felt himself going red in the face, if only they knew what he had been thinking!. "Um," Reg stuttered, "the fund-raiser, I was just thinking of an idea for the fund-raiser, you know, maybe we ought to wash cars." Hollis quickly finished, glancing at his watch as he hurriedly got up from the table, "Gee, is that the time?, I'm due back in court in fifteen minutes, gotta go, catch you later." And with that Hollis hurriedly departed the canteen. "Did you see the look on Hollis' face?," McCann addressed the remaining officers at the table, "If thats what he looks like when thinking about washing cars," " I'd hate to think what he looks like when thinking about trains," Quinnan finished for him. End.

(c) Watching Since Woodentop 1996-2007