JASMINE ALLEY: THE BILL SLASH FICTION

Jasmine Alley : The Lockup : Claire : Believe It Or Not

Happy Halloween!!

Now, this isn't a Halloween story or anything but it's a piece (snippet) of
fluff that has been clogging up my hard-drive and, well, now seems as good a
time as any to unleash it on an unsuspecting audience...   Incidentally
this is as close as I am ever going to get to an entry in the current,
permanent, **impossible** challenge...  Kel reckons I should call it, "My Cop
Out"... 


Title:  Believe It Or Not
Author: Claire
Pairing: Skase / Boulton
Rating:  PG-13, H
Disclaimers: Characters quite happily borrowed from and returned to  Thames
Television / Pearson.

= = = = = = = = =
Believe It Or Not
= = = = = = = = =


"I don't believe you."

"It's true."

"No.  It's impossible."

"Why don't you believe me?"

"Because I would find it easier to accept the fact that Polly Page was a
bondage queen than believe what you are trying to tell me."

"Aw, come on.  Why would I lie?"

"You tell me, Rod.  Some sort of peculiar kink of yours or something?"

"Look, it is true.  Trust me.  I know that it is hard to believe, but I saw
it with my own eyes...  As for my peculiar kinks, I think you are well
acquainted with all of them..."

"I'm sure I am...  Anyway, the thing is, it is not just hard to believe, but
downright *impossible*."

"I'd be lying if I said that it didn't surprise me *but* I really did see
it.  You've got to believe me."

"I'm trying, Rod, I really am, but I just can't accept it."

"You weren't there."

"Yes, well some of us had work to do that night."

"If you'd been there you could have seen it for yourself."

"Very good.  Your powers of deduction never cease to amaze me...  *If* I'd
been there I would have seen it for myself, but I wasn't so it is a moot
point."

"A what?"

"Never mind."

"Okay...  Wanna know something else?"

"Not particularly, but as I can see that you are dying to tell me, go ahead
anyway..."

"He even told a joke."

"Now I'm really depressed that I missed the evening...  You lead such an
exciting social life Rod..."

"Huh?"

"Never mind..."

"So, do you want to hear the joke or not?"

"Not."

"Oh..."

"Okay.  I'm sorry.  For God's sake don't look so dejected.  Tell me the
stupid joke if you want to."

"It's not my joke..."

"I know that but you raised the subject and I'm sure he won't mind you
telling me."

"Mmmm...  Okay.  What do George Michael and gumboots have in common?"

"Surprise me."

"The both get sucked off in bogs!"

"Oh...  And you thought that was funny?"

"It sounded funny the other night..."

"If you say so."

"Perhaps you had to be there..."

"You know something?  The more I hear of this evening the fonder I look back
on spending an evening in a clapped out Astra Tom Proctor."

"It wasn't that bad.  Besides, what do you expect from spending an evening
in a Sun Hill pub?"

"A hell of a lot more than what you have been describing but then again,
maybe that's just me."

It wasn't too bad, and he *did*!  I swear on my coat collection that he
did."

"Your coat collection?"

"Yep.  My coat collection."

"As impressive as that is, and I know how much you value your coats, I still
don't believe it."

"Hmph.  Well I know what I saw and he bloody well did.  For a moment I
thought I was hallucinating, but upon a closer look there was no mistaking
it."

"Okay then, if it's true - and I still very much doubt that it is - then why
haven't I ever witnessed it, eh?  I've worked with the sour old bugger for
years now and I've never seen so much as a glimmer of one..."

"That's fine coming from you...  How often are you a ray of sunshine in the
officer?"

"More frequently than him at least...  Hey, I smile at you occasionally."

"Only when you think no-one is looking."

"I just don't want to give them anything to talk about, that's all."

"Whatever.  I tire of this discussion and can think of a few things that I
would rather be doing than debating this issue with you.  *I* know what I
saw and quite frankly, I don't care if you don't believe me."

"You don't... aaah... care?  How rude... oooohh...  I thought we were have - *ing*...
aaaah... a reasonable conversation - be careful with that zip! -- on the
subject.  Look, I don't care how talented you are with that mouth of yours -
and oh God! you are talented - I still refuse to believe... aaahh!... *still*
refuse to accept that you saw old misery guts Carver smile..."

~end~

(So sue me.  I don't like Carver...[gg])


	Jasmine Alley : The Lockup : Claire : Believe It Or Not
		Happy Halloween!! Now, this isn't a Halloween story or anything but it's a piece (snippet) of fluff that has been clogging up my hard-drive and, well, now seems as good a time as any to unleash it on an unsuspecting audience... Incidentally this is as close as I am ever going to get to an entry in the current, permanent, impossible challenge... Kel reckons I should call it, "My Cop Out"... Title: Believe It Or Not Author: Claire Pairing: Skase / Boulton Rating: PG-13, H Disclaimers: Characters quite happily borrowed from and returned to Thames Television / Pearson. = = = = = = = = = Believe It Or Not = = = = = = = = = "I don't believe you." "It's true." "No. It's impossible." "Why don't you believe me?" "Because I would find it easier to accept the fact that Polly Page was a bondage queen than believe what you are trying to tell me." "Aw, come on. Why would I lie?" "You tell me, Rod. Some sort of peculiar kink of yours or something?" "Look, it is true. Trust me. I know that it is hard to believe, but I saw it with my own eyes... As for my peculiar kinks, I think you are well acquainted with all of them..." "I'm sure I am... Anyway, the thing is, it is not just hard to believe, but downright impossible." "I'd be lying if I said that it didn't surprise me but I really did see it. You've got to believe me." "I'm trying, Rod, I really am, but I just can't accept it." "You weren't there." "Yes, well some of us had work to do that night." "If you'd been there you could have seen it for yourself." "Very good. Your powers of deduction never cease to amaze me... If I'd been there I would have seen it for myself, but I wasn't so it is a moot point." "A what?" "Never mind." "Okay... Wanna know something else?" "Not particularly, but as I can see that you are dying to tell me, go ahead anyway..." "He even told a joke." "Now I'm really depressed that I missed the evening... You lead such an exciting social life Rod..." "Huh?" "Never mind..." "So, do you want to hear the joke or not?" "Not." "Oh..." "Okay. I'm sorry. For God's sake don't look so dejected. Tell me the stupid joke if you want to." "It's not my joke..." "I know that but you raised the subject and I'm sure he won't mind you telling me." "Mmmm... Okay. What do George Michael and gumboots have in common?" "Surprise me." "The both get sucked off in bogs!" "Oh... And you thought that was funny?" "It sounded funny the other night..." "If you say so." "Perhaps you had to be there..." "You know something? The more I hear of this evening the fonder I look back on spending an evening in a clapped out Astra Tom Proctor." "It wasn't that bad. Besides, what do you expect from spending an evening in a Sun Hill pub?" "A hell of a lot more than what you have been describing but then again, maybe that's just me." It wasn't too bad, and he did! I swear on my coat collection that he did." "Your coat collection?" "Yep. My coat collection." "As impressive as that is, and I know how much you value your coats, I still don't believe it." "Hmph. Well I know what I saw and he bloody well did. For a moment I thought I was hallucinating, but upon a closer look there was no mistaking it." "Okay then, if it's true - and I still very much doubt that it is - then why haven't I ever witnessed it, eh? I've worked with the sour old bugger for years now and I've never seen so much as a glimmer of one..." "That's fine coming from you... How often are you a ray of sunshine in the officer?" "More frequently than him at least... Hey, I smile at you occasionally." "Only when you think no-one is looking." "I just don't want to give them anything to talk about, that's all." "Whatever. I tire of this discussion and can think of a few things that I would rather be doing than debating this issue with you. I know what I saw and quite frankly, I don't care if you don't believe me." "You don't... aaah... care? How rude... oooohh... I thought we were have - ing... aaaah... a reasonable conversation - be careful with that zip! -- on the subject. Look, I don't care how talented you are with that mouth of yours - and oh God! you are talented - I still refuse to believe... aaahh!... still refuse to accept that you saw old misery guts Carver smile..." ~end~ (So sue me. I don't like Carver...[gg])

(c) Watching Since Woodentop 1996-2007