This is the first thing I've written other than shopping lists.
Please be gentle with me.

I was inspired by the chemistry between Nick and Phil Hunter Ep 62


Title :          Again
Author :         BeeCee
Rating :G        (as in golly gee whiz)
Pairing :        Nick / Phil
Summary :        Nick lays In the hospital after he had been
                 brutally beaten Ep 62



God it hurts.

How did I let myself get in this sort of mess?

I'm bloody stupid, that's why.

I let him get to me every time.

I say no but then he gets real close and he looks at me with those
eyes.  God those eyes. Then I can feel his breath on my face.  He
touches my arm.  Then I'm gone.  Again.

I know he's not interested in me but maybe... one day...

I know he's a bastard.   It's his fault I'm in here.

He came in today.   I wished that I could talk to him alone.  He looked
so sad, so scared.  I wanted to tell him that I would take it all again
if he just... but I couldn't.  I wanted to hold him, to touch him....
but I couldn't.

I know about all  the women.  Yeah, I understand how they all fall for
him.  How they would do anything for him.  Just to be near him.  I
understand it all too well.  More fool me.

That Chloe girl, she wanted me to tell him that she wanted to talk to
him.  I told her `No way, I wasn't gonna be no ones go-between'. I
could see him, up on the balcony, watching me, with those eyes.  He
wasn't looking at her, it was me.  I know it.  Yeah.  He thought I
couldn't see him, but I saw him.  God. I'm in agony.  The docs wont
give me any more pain killers. I can't tell them about the coke.  I'm a
copper.  I'll get through this.  God it hurts.

He gave me the coke.  I know it was to `handle me, to keep me where he
wants me'.  He doesn't have to give me shit to keep me where he wants
me.  Cass hates him.  Everybody hates him.  Except maybe Mickey.  And
me.  God, I wish I could hate him too.  Be easier that way.  Yeah, I
should hate him but I don't.  I hope he comes in again.  I want to see
him, to tell him that I don't hate him.  But I know I'll never tell him
how I feel. I can't.  I'll get through this and then I'll go back to
work. I'll go back and pretend that every things okay.  It's the only
way.  I can do this.
I've done it before and I can do it again.

END