Title:             Jailbait
Author:            Augustus
Email:             gaius_octavius_@hotmail.com
Slash/Fanfic Page: http://go.to/fabulae
Fandom:            The Bill
Pairing:           Jaaack Meadows & Rodney Skase. Well, not really...
Rating:            PG for innuendo and mild naughty words.
Status:            Complete. Mostly written in my Greek Mythology lecture as a
                   matter of fact.
Category:          Humour.
Spoilers:          Yeah, this is based on a scene in "Foreign Body" aired in Oz
                   on 5th Aug, 2000. There are a few give-aways for the episode.
                   Ooh! My first spoiler warning!
Archival:          All official list archives are fine. Anyone else just ask.
                   I'm not about to say no *g*
Feedback:          I live for it *g*. Email or onlist. Whatever *g*.

Summary:           Jaaack finds himself with some time on his hands.

Disclaimer:        Pearson Television owns the Bill and therefore all of the
                   characters mentioned here. Seeing as I dream about the show
                   almost every damn night (that one where Rod and Jaaack turned
                   into Mulder & Scully was just plain bizarre) I think you
                   should go easy on me *g*.


********
Jailbait
********

// This has got to be Rod's fault // Jaaack Meadows thought as he tried
to make himself comfortable on the extraordinarily lumpy mattress. //

Everything always turns out to be his fault in the end. It's like a rule
of nature or something. //

The two men were silent. There hadn't been very much to say after Rod
Skase's little contribution to the whole fiasco.

// I can't believe that he got himself arrested too. Imagine, not even
thinking that it might be a good idea to flash his warrant card. Dim
git. //

Meadows didn't want to think about the reception that they were going to
receive when they arrived back at Sunhill. Chris Deakin was going to
think that Christmas had come early for him this year. Not that he had a
right to crow. It was his fault that Jaaack was stuck here with D.C.
Ditz in the first place.

Jaaack turned to glare at his the probable cause of all of this
distress. Unfortunately, Skase seemed to be in the process of nodding
off, and remained completely oblivious to his superior's foul mood.

// How can he sleep when the bloody mattress is so damn lumpy? // Jaaack
wondered grumpily. // And they didn't even have the decency to put us in
a cell with *two* beds - or *separate* cells, for that matter. //

"Hmph! You'd think that *they* thought that you and I were together
too!"

Jaaack muttered aloud.

"Wassat?" Rod slurred, opening one eye for a mere fraction of a second.
So much for paying attention to your superiors!

The younger man let out another small groan, before his chin fell neatly
only his chest.

// Nice to know he finds my company so scintillating, // Jaaack fumed.
// He's the one who got us into this damn mess in the first place! He
should be wide awake plotting our escape or something. //

Even in his rather irate state of mind, Jaaack realised that such an
exercise would be quite futile. The only ideas that Rod Skase managed to
lure into his mind were immediately related to his endless - and
unsuccessful - attempts to get his leg over.

Jaaack had to smile a little at the thought. Rod had been so confident
that he would snare that attractive hotel owner the previous night......

// Don't count on your youth *too* much, young Rodney...... //

Okay, so the idea of Skase plotting the Great Escape Version 2.0 wasn't
the most brilliant one to ever enter Meadows' mind. That was no excuse
for the man to fall asleep, however! He should at least be making an
attempt to entertain Jaaack throughout the long hours of their
imprisonment.

// Why, he could be my own, personal dancing boy...... //

Meadows was quite reluctant to admit - even to himself - exactly how
much that idea appealed to him.

// Let's face it - he couldn't be any worse at that career than he is at
his current one...... //

Despite his bad mood and despite the goddawful mattress, Jaaack was
beginning to feel a little sleepy himself. Perhaps it was the long and
stressful day finally taking its toll. Perhaps it was even the
comforting thought of a new interpretation of the Dance of Seven Veils
by D.C. Skase.

Whatever the cause, Meadows began to drift into an uneasy doze......

A line of Rods doing the cancan and dressed in bright pink lycra from
head to toe filled Jaaack's mind. He had been right. This was definitely
the right career for Skase. Pink legs were flashing all over the place,
the lycra deliciously tight over his hard, youthful body. Meadows smiled
happily in his sleep. Now *this* was more like it! Claudette would have
been *much* more responsive to Rod's clumsy come-ons if she were witness
to *this* display!

A gentle but persistent pressure on Jaaack's shoulder tore him from the
pleasant imagery. Blinking his eyes open, Jaaack became aware of Rod's
head making a concerted effort to loll against his superior's shoulder.
He shrugged slightly, wanting to dislodge the trespassing head more
through anger at it for disrupting his rather lovely dream than through
any real discomfort at either the pressure or the physical contact.

The latter was rather nice, actually.

Thanks to the shrug, the head rose for a second before recommencing its
downward journey, lingering a while on Jaaack's shoulder once it finally
regained its previous position.

Rod's head was warm and pleasantly heavy through Meadows' shirt.

// He's probably getting gel all over my shoulder...... //

Even in waking, Jaaack was finding it hard to fully dispel the dream
imagery from his mind. The head on his shoulder didn't belong to the
biggest ego in CID, it belonged to the fuchsia-clad dancing Adonis whom
had been entertaining him only minutes ago. If Meadows was to be
perfectly honest with himself, he would be forced to admit that the
proximity of the D.C. was starting to be a bit of a turn on.

// Must be the French air. //

He resisted the urge to reach up a finger to follow the angular line of
Rod's profile. It wasn't as though Jaaack hadn't noticed Rod's
attractiveness in the past. It was more that his immense git-dom had
generally outweighed the effect of his looks.

// Damn this country! //

There was no denying the uncomfortable ache in his groin now. Rod's
aftershave smelt so *good* and Jaaack *was* meant to be on holiday,
after all.

// Bloody hell. //

Rod's head was on the go again. The younger man was beginning to slump
more heavily onto Jaaack. This time, however, his whole upper body was
involved.  Meadows regarded Skase with something American bible-belt
inbred with horror. If the downward journey wasn't quickly halted,
Rodney was about to find out for himself exactly *how* aroused Jaaack
had become.

// Can't have that. It'd be all over the nick by Monday. //

Something had to done before Meadows' authority was compromised beyond
salvation. Jaaack quickly pushed Skase away from his body, just before
the latter's head landed neatly in the former's crotch.

"I'm a D.C.I., not a pillow, Rod," he retorted, his voice coming out a
lot sharper than he perhaps would have intended, were he not rather
occupied with the possibility that his cellmate was about to get a
mouthful of the rather embarrassing building site in his superior's
pants.

// Although...... //

With a rather unattractive snort, Rod jolted partially awake. Jaaack
glared at the younger man for good measure.

// Can't have him thinking that I'm enjoying myself at all. //

Skase didn't seem too perturbed. In fact, he seemed rather intent on
falling straight back asleep.

// Lucky git. //

It was all quite typical, really. The golden boy was able to sleep on
completely unaware, while Jaaack had to stay wide awake doing battle
with his hormones and feeling like a dirty old man leering at a young
school boy.

// He's not that young. //

Which was the truth. The D.C. had passed his thirtieth birthday. Jaaack
would like to say that he remembered the gathering at the Crown to
celebrate the occasion, but the scotch had been flowing freely that
night......

// He's a lot younger than me, though. //

That, too, was the truth. Which didn't bother Meadows in the slightest.

// He'd never be interested in a decrepit old man like me...... //

Skase had certainly seemed less than impressed when Meadows had pointed
out earlier on in this very long day that they had been taken for
lovers.

// It probably offended his undentable belief in his own irresistibility
to women. //

Jaaack grinned.

// Irresistibility to men, more like! //

That was the greatest truth of them all. Meadows wasn't deaf. He had
heard the whispers in CID. Before he'd disappeared back into the ranks
of uniform, Carver had been known to wax lyrical about his fellow D.C.
after a few pints. Deakin was more than willing to overlook a mistake or
fifty with one widening of those blue eyes. Tom Proctor was just plain
besotted. And as for John Boulton......

...... Well, there were a few rumours flying around about even D.S. Prick
himself.

// Christ, imagine if the two egos that ate Sunhill  teamed up...... //

Despite himself, Jaaack felt a pang of jealousy at the thought. Sure,
Rod's personality was more than a little irritating. Personality didn't
tend to rear its head too high, however, when a man was lying face down
on a bed being taken like he'd never been taken before.

// Shouldn't have thought that. So much for the tide receeding......//

This whole affair was ridiculous. Meadows should be tucked up in his bed
at home with his wife and a nice hot cup of English Breakfast, not stuck
in France with Sunhill's answer to Aphrodite.

It was all just too much for Jaaack. The stresses of the day finally
began to take their toll.

// I'm going to kill Chris Deakin when we get out of here. //

Meadows' head began to nod dreamily. As his eyes blinked closed, there
was an enticing flash of pink inside his eyelids. Giving into sleep, he
slumped sideways onto Rod's shoulder.

Beginning a downward journey of his own, Jaaack eagerly embraced the
encore performance of his own private West End dance ingenue......



* * * * * * * * * * *



Rod awoke to find his superior's head resting firmly in his lap.

// Dirty old man...... //

Pushing the D.C.I.'s head away, Rodney stretched his long body out on
the ridiculously uncomfortable mattress.

// It's going to be a long night...... //



{fin}

Augustus, 10-08-2000